虾狐影视论坛：www.xh127.com
Woman, you know you're a woman
You got to be...
-你来了 嗨 -你们好 -There she is. Hey. -Hi, guys.
好 宝贝女孩 你来 All right, baby girl. You go, baby girl.
宝贝女孩 你来 You go, baby girl. You go, you go get it.
耶 Yes!
你是我的宝贝 -You're my baby... -Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba, Ba...
不 不 别进去 No, no, no, don't make it.
-噢 -该死的 -Oh! -Damn it!
噢 耶 Oh... Yes!
-不 我绝对... -我来 -Nope. I absolute... -I got this. I got this.
-我绝对不行 -来吧 杰西 -I absolutely can't do it. -Come on, Jess!
但记住 这只是个庸俗的男生会传统 But remember, this is a stupid frat boy ritual, so...
是啊 但要打败他们 Yeah, but kick their ass!
-对 打败他们 -嘿 -Yeah, fuck 'em up! -Hey.
-我俩是情侣 -不 -We're together. -No.
好 好 Cool, cool, cool.
好 Yes.
好 加油 杰西 Yeah, go, Jess!
兄弟 Dude!
天啊 天啊 杰西 Oh, God. Oh, God, Jess.
只剩两杯了 Only two cups left.
不 只有一杯 你是看成重影了 No, there's one cup. You're just seeing double.
天啊 只剩一杯了 Oh, God! There's only one cups left.
-我不行 压力太大了 -什么 -Oh, I can't do it. It's too much pressure. -What?
-我不行 杰西 -听着 -I can't do it, Jess. -Look...
看着我 看着我 -Look at me. Look at me. -Mmm-hmm?
我们的车没了玻璃 少了个轮胎 You got us through the Wendy's drive-through
你依然开过了温迪路边店 when my car had no windshield and three tires.
没你做不到的 You can do anything.
可大家都在看着我 Yeah, but everybody's watching me,
而我汗流浃背 and I'm sweating like crazy.
我看起来像个公主 但闻起来像个农夫 I look like a princess, but I smell like a peasant.
快点吧 足疗妹 Let's go, foot job girl!
拜托 她是有名字的 叫艾丽丝 Excuse me, she has a name! It's Alice.
她是我的好友 温柔善良 And she's my best friend, and she's good and kind.
对 Yeah!
谢谢你 但我确实用我的脚给他的室友撸管了 Thank you, but I did jerk off his roommate with my feet.
我 我知道 I... I know.
关键是 只用右脚摩擦一会 The key is, right foot only for, like, a while.
-让他求着你用... -用左脚 我知道 专心点 -You know? Make him beg for... -The left one. I know. Focus!
如果我们赢了 我们将是唯一赢得万圣节比赛的女生 If we win this, we will be the only girls to ever win the Halloween tournament.
我们一定要做到 We've got to do this.
为了女人 For womankind.
别挑逗我了 扔球吧 Stop making me horny, and shoot!
Everybody in this bitch gettin' tipsy...
我们做到了 我们做到了 We did it! We did it! We did it!
-我想上去 我想上去 -你配得上 -I want up! I want up! I want up! -You deserve it.
你挣来的 You've earned it.
开始了 好 好 Here we go. All right. All right, yes!
我是世界之王 I'm the king of the world!
噢 Oh!
又来？ Oh. Again?
-天啊 -杰西 -Dude. Oh, God. -Jess?
你没事吧 Are you all right?
-天啊 你没事吧 -来 来 -Oh, my God, are you okay? -Dude. Come on. Come on.
-我没事 妈妈 -天啊 -I'm fine, Mom. -Oh, my God.
怎么回事 What happened?
说实话 都不知道我们为啥要去那些无聊的派对 Honestly, I don't even know why we go to these stupid parties.
我只想跟你们一起玩 I just want to hang out with you guys.
是啊 我也有同感 -I know. I feel the same way. -Yes!
大学里其他人都是懒散、恶俗 Everyone else at this college is sloppy and gross.
-水 -等等 过来 -Water. -Wait, come here.
哦 Oh.
不错 -Ugh! -Mmm. Not bad.
谁更恶俗？ Who's grosser?
什么声音 What is that?
-什么声音 -咋回事 -What is that? -What's happening?
是我的振荡器 它会随机的打开和关闭 Oh, it's my vibrator, it randomly turns on and off.
天啊 下个学期我会很想念你们的 Oh, my God, you guys, I'm gonna miss you so much next semester.
-我不想谈这事 -很伤感 -I don't want to talk about it. -It's sad.
不 不 不 -No, no, no, no. -Dude,
艾尔.戈尔是下学期的客座教授 Al Gore is guest-lecturing next semester.
也许你不想去澳大利亚 Maybe you don't want to go to Australia. I don't know.
-是啊 -不过到我21岁生日 -Yeah. -On my 21st birthday, though,
我爸要把直升机给我们 my dad's getting us the chopper.
我说了我不想谈 I said I don't want to talk about it.
所以我不知道怎么回事 So I don't know what's happening.
我根本不想去 只不过 I don't even want to go. I just...
这个政治学项目很难得 It was so hard to get into the political science program.
而且我的体育课是蹦极 And plus, my gym class is bungee jumping, so...
天啊 要戴个好文胸 Oh, my God, wear a good bra.
我们大四那年还会在一起 Well, look, we'll have all of senior year together,
而且以后一辈子都会在一起 所以没什么 and then we'll have the rest of our lives together, so it's fine.
-是啊 -你保证？ -Yeah. -You promise?
各位 我们的孩子们会在一起玩 You guys, our kids are gonna play together.
-天啊 -天啊 -Oh, my God! -Oh, my gosh!
-我们真幸运 -过来 过来 -We're so lucky! -Get in here! Come here.
噢 Oh. Mmm!
-好了 这是第二个振荡器 -是的 我有好几个 -Okay, that is a second vibrator. -Yeah, I have a few.
关了 Just... Just, yeah.
-不行 -珍妮 不行 -No! -Janine, no!
-不行 -珍妮 出去 -No! No! No! -Janine, get out!
-拜托 -珍妮 -Come on. -Janine!
天啊 停 Oh, my God! Stop!
-卫生间就在隔壁 -真不敢相信 -Bathroom is next-door! -Cannot believe!
-每个周末都这样 -她已经开始尿了 -Every damn weekend with this! -Stop! She's already peeing.
珍妮 Janine!
Whoo!
What! What!
10 年后
嗨 我是杰西.塞耶 我正竞选州参议员 Hi. I'm Jessica Thayer, and I'm running for state senate.
犯罪 教育资金短缺 污水处理 Crime, underfunded schools, sewage.
这是我们社区面临的真正问题 These are real problems that our community is facing.
期待11月3日能投我一票 Looking forward to your vote on November 3.
谢谢 Thank you.
-很好 -但60%的受访者 -It's great. -Well, 6?% of the focus group
说你不大可能把这段发出去 did say that it seemed like you wouldn't put out.
什么 为什么问他们这个问题 What? Why are they being asked that?
不知道 但60%可是不少 Don't know, but 6?% is, like, a lot.
我们依然很接近 -Yeah. -We're still so close.
我不明白 韦森在推特上发了一张鸡鸡的照片 I don't understand, Wesson literally tweeted out a dick pic.
他道歉了 He apologized.
是的 他说 对不起 不是这根鸡鸡的照片 Yes. He said, "I'm sorry, wrong dick pic,"
然后发了另一张鸡鸡照片 and then he tweeted out another one.
如果韦森赢得选举 他会砍掉所有 Look, if Wesson wins, he's literally gonna cut every single program
对人们有益的项目 that actually helps people.
我们知道这一点 We know that. Right?
但人们希望投票给能产生共鸣的人 But people want to vote for someone they can relate to.
他们和韦森一起有安全感 They feel safe with Wesson.
想跟他一起喝啤酒 They want to have a beer with him.
恐怕没人想跟这样的人一起喝啤酒 I'm not sure anyone wants to have a beer with that.
嘿 艾丽丝 Hey, Alice.
嘿 我很期待这次旅行 Hey. I am so excited for this trip.
为了去迈阿密 我把我的节育环都取出来了 I got my IUD taken out for Miami.
这是好主意吗 Um, is that a good idea?
是的 这可是你的婚前周末 Uh, yeah. It's your bachelorette weekend.
杰西 韦森又发了一张鸡鸡照片 Jess, Wesson tweeted out another dick pic,
已经被转发1万次了 and it's already got 10,0?? retweets.
艾丽丝 我先挂了 Alice, I... I got to call you back.
图卢姆 把她的电子书还给她 Tulum, give her back her Kindle!
每天都这样 Every fuckin' day.
-嗨 -嗨 -Hey. -Mmm. Hey.
真对不起 我在办公室脱不开身 I'm so sorry. I got stuck at the office.
没关系 It's okay.
-我给你买了腰果鸡丁 多放了腰果 -不 -I got you chicken cashew nut, extra nut. -Oh, no.
我在办公室 I ate an apple
吃了一个苹果和一袋很不新鲜的椒盐卷饼 and a bag of very, very stale pretzels at the office.
多要点腰果很难的 It was so hard to get extra nut.
那女人很凶 她老冲我大喊大叫 That woman is so mean. She yells at me all the time.
她以为我挂断了 但我听见她骂我笨蛋了 She thought I hung up, but I heard her call me a dipshit.
-你给了多少小费 -餐费的20% -How much did you tip? -2?%.
-是啊 是啊 -我没法... -I know. I know, I know. -Yeah. Like, I couldn't. I...
你是个大好人 You're just such a good person.
是艾丽丝 我忘了给她回电话了 Oh, it's Alice. I forgot to call her back.
-没关系 接吧 -不行 不行 -It's okay, get it. -No. I can't, I can't, I can't.
又是我的婚前派对安排 -Enough with my bachelorette itinerary. -Ah.
她的日程安排具体到半小时 -Like, she's planned it to the half hour. -Wow.
我感觉这个周末来的一点不是时候 Yeah, I feel like this weekend has come at the worst possible time.
我很忙 I'm so stressed out.
你能见到朋友 会玩的开心 You'll see your friends, you'll have fun.
能恢复身心 It'll be restorative.
就像那次我们吃了安定 睡了16个小时 Like that time we took Xanax and slept for 16 hours.
天啊 睡得真香 Oh, God, that was good.
我喜欢她们 You know, I love those girls,
但我现在不想过个派对周末 but I really just don't want to have a party weekend right now.
我想和你一起过周末 -Mmm-hmm. -I want to have a weekend with you.
-我想你 -我也想你 -I miss you. -Mmm-hmm. I miss you, too.
-你一直都在办公室里 -是啊 -You've been at the office, like, nonstop. -I know.
等等 如果我们吻下去 Wait, wait, one... If we keep kissing,
我会想做爱的 I'm gonna want to have sex.
我对此没意见 I'm okay with that.
-我也愿意 -那好 -I'm down. -Okay.
但我还有好几件事要办 But I have, like, four things I have to do before.
我要打印出市政会议的日程 I just have to print out those itineraries for the city council meeting.
要给先驱报发邮件 And I have to email the Herald.
还有一次25分钟左右的访谈 I have, like, a 25-minute-ish interview.
-好 -我... -Ooh. Okay. -I...
这样吧 我允许你去做这些事 I tell you what, I'm gonna let you do all that,
我自己在洗澡时撸个管 然后去睡觉 and I'm gonna go masturbate in the shower and go to sleep.
-真的吗 -是的 -Really? -Yeah.
你可真好 -You're the best. -Well...
-我爱你 -我也爱你 -I love you. -I love you, too.
-我给你发了地址 -杰西 停 -So, I texted you the address. -Jess! Shots! Shots!
停 停 停 Shots, shots, shots, shots! Shots! Shots!
停 停 Shots, shots, shots!
耶 耶 Yay! Yes!
天啊 Oh, my God.
-我头上是什么 -终于到了 -What's on my head? -This is it.
你的婚前周末 Your bachelorette weekend.
从大一第一天起 我就一直在等着这一天 I have been waiting for this moment since the first day of freshman year.
-来 -真的吗 -Get in here. -You have?
天啊 会有很多的迈阿密帅哥 Oh, my God, there's gonna be so many hot Miami babes.
我们要尽情放纵 We are gonna be swimmin' in dick, girl!
嗨 艾丽丝 Hi, Alice.
-彼得 嗨 -嗨 -Peter. Hi. -Hey.
你快走吧 她现在是我的了 And get out of here, she's mine now.
别惹太多麻烦 好吗 Don't get in too much trouble, okay?
-我不会的 -快点 走吧 -Yeah, I won't. -Let's go, let's do it.
注意安全 你也在婚前派对上好好玩 Drive safe. Have fun at your bachelor party, okay?
我会的 Will do.
嘿 艾丽丝 也别太放纵了 Hey, Alice, be careful swimming in all that dick.
好 再见 What are you? Okay, bye.
见到你真高兴 I'm so happy to see you.
这个周末将会特别开心 Oh, this weekend's gonna be so much fun.
很期待见到我的闺蜜们 Can't wait to see my girls!
当胡椒粉喷到脸上的时候 When the pepper spray hits your face, and it will,
紧闭你的嘴 keep your mouth closed tight.
-我们是和平示威 -对 -We are peaceful protestors. -Yes!
但我们要战斗 我们是强大的 Yet we fight, you know? Yet we are strong!
-对 对 -这是战争 -Yeah! Yeah! -This is war!
我要去参加一个婚前派对 Okay, I got to head to a bachelorette.
如果示威队伍中有人失踪 But if anybody from the group disappears from the protest,
马上给我手机发短信 you text my cell phone immediately.
你有手机？ You have a cell phone?
-没有 -你也是他们的人 -Uh, no. -You're one of them!
周一放学后我去接你 好吗孩子 I'll pick you up after school on Monday, okay, sweetie?
妈妈 你非要去迈阿密吗 Mommy, do you have to go to Miami?
是的 我必须去 Yes, I really do.
但我会特别想你 But I'm gonna miss you so much.
严格来说 20分钟之前就到了我的监护时间了 Technically, my time started 2? minutes ago,
所以我一定会在监护权听证会上提到此事 so, going to note this for the custody hearing.
我爱你 Mmm. I love you. Mwah! Mwah!
再见 Bye.
Come on, shake your body, baby, do the conga
I know you can't control yourself any longer...
哇 哇 Well, well, well.
天 Damn.
你是怎么做到的 How do you do it?
怎么能下飞机后 依然这么光彩照人 How do you look this flawless getting off a plane?
这是很没礼貌的 It's honestly rude.
你在跟我调情吗 What, are you flirting with me?
我不会和一个跟我分手的已婚女人调情的 I would not flirt with a happily married woman who broke my heart.
天啊 是你跟我分手的 少来这一套 Oh, my God, you broke up with me, don't even start with that.
对不起 你现在是和我调情了 好吗 Excuse me, now you are flirting with me, okay?
很高兴见到你 It's good to see you.
我也很高兴见到你 It's good to see you, too.
我忙了一天 Girl, I have had a day.
还要处理业务 太恶心了 First was full, I had to ride business. It was disgusting.
你是认真的 好吧 -Gross. -You're serious. Okay. Cool.
天啊 你听说艾丽丝要让我们参加一个泡沫派对吗 Oh, my God, did you hear Alice is making us go to a foam party?
是啊 Ugh! I know.
她的时间多的是 She has a scary amount of time on her hands.
即使她是个全职老师 我还是劝她找份工作 Even though she's a full-time teacher, I'm still like, "Get a job."
你有工作吗 Do you have a job?
社会活动家就是全职工作 不过 Activism is a full-time job, but...
也不算工作 -Also no. -Mmm-hmm.
看她们 还是那么年轻 Look at them, the magic is still there.
-你们好 -你们好 -Hello! -Hello!
-嗨 -嗨 太好了 -Hi! -Hi! Yes! Yes!
-天啊 -真的实现了 -Oh, my God! -It is all happening!
天啊 你可真香 Mmm! God, you smell so good.
我的文胸里有半磅的大麻 -I have, like, half a pound of weed in my bra. -Ah.
-嗨 艾丽丝 你妈妈还好吗 -老年痴呆症很难缠 但她挺好 -Hey, Alice, how's your mom? -Well, Alzheimer's is tough, but she's good.
好的 Good.
华莱士五楼的女生们又重聚了 The Wallace 5th Floor Girls are back together again!
天啊 我们上次在一起是什么时候 God, when was the last time we were all together?
好像是两年前 I think it was two summers ago
我们去你的树上找你玩 对吗 when we came to visit you in your tree, right?
不 不 当时杰西没能去 No, no, no, 'cause Jess couldn't make it, it was, uh,
那是新年夜 布莱尔临产 New Year's Eve, when Blair was in labor.
-天啊 -天 那么是三年前了 -Oh, my God. Crazy. -God, that was three years ago, then.
是啊 我们只有55个小时 Yeah. Well, we only have 55 hours,
所以就别再浪费时间了 so let's stop wasting our motherfucking time
开始派对吧 and let's get the party started.
-好啊 -艾丽丝 你可真行 -Yes! -Alice, you rock!
派对现在开始 The party starts now.
天啊 这不是好主意 Oh, my God. That was a bad idea.
-是啊 我们可是在机场 -这样不好 -Yeah, we're in an airport. -That was bad.
-这听起来像枪声 -是啊 -That sounded like a gunshot. -Yeah.
-我们走 -好 -Let's go. -Yep.
对不起 怪我们 Sorry. Our bad.
对不起 各位 婚前周末 Sorry, everyone, bachelorette weekend.
我没来过这里 快走 I was never here! Never! Move!
Come on, shake your body, baby, do the conga
I know you can't control yourself any longer
-噢 -哇 -Ooh. -Wow.
-漂亮的迈阿密房子 -真不错 -Nice Miami house, mami. -Very nice.
-谢谢 -呃 -Oh, gracias. -Um...
我们要从邻居那里要钥匙 We are supposed to pick up the keys from the neighbors.
你带泳衣了吗 Did you bring a bathing suit?
-有人吗 -这海滩真不错 -Hello? -The beach is nice.
嗨 Hi.
对不起 有人留了钥匙... Sorry, somebody left some keys for...
-我的天 -对不起 我们等会再来 -Oh, my goodness. -Oh, sorry, we'll come back.
-真对不起 -你们好 -So sorry. -Oh, hi, girls.
不不 我对不起 No, no, I'm sorry.
我穿上点衣服 Let me put something on.
哦 Oh.
-来吧 -真逗 -Come on in. -Very funny.
-真的吗 -我喜欢 -Is it really? -I love it.
你好 -Hello. -Hi.
-谢谢你 -嗨 -Thank you. Oh. -Hi. Oh.
好 Okay.
你们怎么来迈阿密了 What brings you to Miami?
公务？休闲？ Business? Pleasure?
还是休闲公务？ The business of pleasure?
噢 婚前周末 Oh, bachelorette weekend.
-杰西要结婚了 -啊 -Jess is getting married. -Ah.
-恭喜 -谢谢 -Congratulations! -Thank you.
你们的婚姻 可以搞婚外恋吗 This marriage, will it be open?
我俩还没谈过 You know, we haven't discussed it.
但应该不可以 But, probably closed. Yeah.
绝对不行 Tightly, tightly closed.
丽雅 她是不是很像那个 Lea, does she not remind you
我们在特克斯和凯科斯群岛认识的法国女人 of our French girl from Turks and Caicos?
的确 -Oh. -She does.
谢谢你们 谢谢 Thank you. Thanks.
我们会尽量小点声 Well, we're gonna try to keep it down.
那我们尽量大点声 Mmm-hmm. -Oh, well, we'll try not to.
噢 Oh.
啊 好啊 Ah! Yes!
-他们是认真的 -快 快下楼梯 -They're serious. -Go. Go, go, downstairs.
她真迷人 She is delicious.
我喜欢 -I want that. -Mmm.
噢 真不错 Ooh, yes.
真实的世界 宝贝 迈阿密 Oh, Real World, baby! Miami!
这房子没有一处我不讨厌的 Ew. This house represents everything I hate.
我去大便 以示抗议 I'm gonna go take a protest dump.
杰西旁边的房间我要了 I call the room next to Jess! Ah.
那个房间有个上下铺 Oh, I think that room has bunk beds,
所以你要和琵琶一起住 so you're gonna have to share with Pippa.
琵琶是谁 Uh, who that?
琵琶 我在国外那一学年认识的澳大利亚朋友 Pippa, my Australian friend from semester abroad.
每一封邮件都提到过她 She's been CC'd on, like, every single email.
对 Oh, right.
如果她受不了我打鼾 她可以睡沙发 Well, if my snoring bothers her, she can take the couch.
或者她直接睡沙发 看情况再说 Or she can just start on the couch and we'll go from there.
我们会有办法的 她先睡沙发 We'll figure it out. She'll start on the couch.
-布莱尔 -什么 -Blair. -What?
一定要小心别把红酒洒在白地毯上 Can you be careful with the red wine on the white carpet, please?
我最大的也是唯一的竞选资助人 My biggest and only donor
慷慨的允许我们在这里过周末 generously lent us this house for the weekend.
-所以一定要小心 -好 -So, please be careful. -Okay.
但凭现在的行情 如果她想以340万美元 I'm telling you, she's got bigger problems than a wine stain
卖掉这房子 最大的麻烦绝不是一块红酒斑 if she wants to sell this place for 3.4 in this market.
-你怎么知道的 -搜索啊 -How do you know that? -Zillow.
-我搜索过每个人的房价 -真的吗 -I Zillow everybody. -Really?
你知道我的房子值多少钱吗 Like, do you know how much my house is worth?
好了 请注意 -Mmm-hmm. -Okay, atención.
介绍婚前派对用具 Bachelorette kit time.
请大家注意 Let me get your attention.
我们都买好了 We got it all.
杰西的新娘浴袍 Bride-to-be bathrobe for our lovely Jess,
鸡鸡吸管 鸡鸡太阳镜 鸡鸡果汁 鸡鸡口香糖 penis straws, penis sunglasses, penis sprinkles, penis gum,
鸡鸡帽子 鸡鸡意大利面 penis hats, penis pasta.
是的 我喝醉了 生吃了一些 And yes, I did get a little drunk and ate some of that dry.
-别鄙视我 -没有 -Don't judge. -No judgment.
我还给你写了一张卡片 但现在不要看 等会再看 Also, I wrote you a card. But don't read it now, read it later.
-谢谢你 艾丽丝 -好 -Thanks, Alice. -Yeah.
糟了 弗兰基 Oh, shit. Frankie?
-弗兰基 -弗兰基 -Frankie? -Frankie.
天啊 Oh, my God!
怎么了 -What? -Oh!
我的天 -Oh, my God. -Oh, yes, mami.
这是性爱秋千吗 Is that a sex swing?
你的资助人是个性变态 杰西 Ooh, your donor is a freak, Jess.
拜托 她把这房子租出去了 Please. She rents this house out.
肯定是别人不小心留下的 I'm sure somebody else left it here accidentally.
还为此建了根承重梁 And installed a load-bearing beam to support it accidentally.
-是啊 -天啊 杰西 -Yeah. -Oh, my God, Jess.
我想先试穿今晚的几件衣服 I want to audition some dresses for tonight.
我带了14套 来 I brought 14. Come on!
Yeah, I wanna burn
Break, crash, explode
Every time you look at me, you look at me...
杰西 如果你在工作 Jess, if you are working,
-我会马上打你耳光 -我没有 我没有 -I'm gonna smack you in the face right now. -I'm not. I'm not.
-等一下 -我要打你耳光 -One second. -I'm gonna smack your face.
-等等 让我发出去 发出去 -放下 -Wait, wait, let me send it. Send, send, send. -Put it down.
好了 来 我们拍张照 All right, come on, let's take a picture.
-说 永远的迈阿密 -永远 -Say, um, "Miami forever." -Uh, forever.
你们不想把我们也拍进去吗 -You want us in the picture or not? -Do you guys want us in the photo...
-我们也在这里 -天啊 -We're here, too. -Oh, my gosh,
我俩看起来像杀手 -we both look killer in that. -Cool.
我没法在脸书上发给你 I'm so bummed I can't tag you in this, on Facebook.
你为什么删除你的账户 Why did you delete your account?
必须删除 你发给我的照片 能毁了我的仕途 I had to. You were, you were tagging me on things that could literally ruin my career.
是啊 Yeah.
是琵琶 她来了 It's Pip! She's here!
什么 那是谁啊 -What? Who's that? -Hi!
琵琶 -Pip! -Oh.
抱歉 Sorry. Whoops.
-抱歉 -喂 -I'm sorry. Whoops. -Hey.
你好 你好 Hello, hello, hello.
天啊 天啊 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
你是个女神 简直是个女神 You're a goddess. You're literally a goddess.
-各位 -嗨 -Guys... -Hi.
这是琵琶 This is Pippa.
著名的... -Hello. -The famous...
弗兰基 布莱尔 艾丽丝 Frankie, Blair, Alice.
嗨 你好 Hey, what's up?
天啊 你们是第一次见面 太令人激动了 My God, you guys are meeting for the first time, this is so exciting.
-是啊 -很高兴见到你 -I know. -Nice to meet you.
这感觉怪怪的 因为 This is so weird, you guys, because it's sort of like
你们都是杰西的死党 我也是杰西的死党 you're all Jess's best friends, I'm Jess's best friend.
那么感觉我们已经是死党了 不是吗 And so it's sort of like we're all already best friends, you know?
我们情况不太一样 对不起打断一下 Well, it's a little different for us, sorry to interrupt,
我和杰西是大一时的室友 but, uh, Jess and I were freshman year roommates,
所以情同姐妹 so it's kind of like family. Eh.
-是啊 是啊 -我要去拉把椅子 -I know, I know. -Um, okay, I'm going to grab a chair.
你们聊 Feel free to gel.
我就坐在我的手提箱上 Just gonna sit on my suitcase here.
噢 我饿坏了 Ooh. I'm famished.
-你想吃我的剩饭吗 -该死 我们刚吃完 -Do you want my leftovers? -Oh, shoot. We just finished.
不 这个我要打包带走 No, I was gonna wrap that up and take it to go.
我们吃完了 结账 I think we're done. Check, please!
没关系 我从面包篮里拿点面包 It's okay. I'm just gonna take some of this bread from the bread basket.
只要有了面包和面包酱 就是一顿饭 When you got bread and Vegemite, you got yourself a meal.
什么 面包酱？ What? Vegemite?
应该叫你杜鹃 而不是Kiwi They should call you cuckoos instead of Kiwis.
我说的对吗 Am I right?
-艾丽丝 -天啊 -Alice. -Oh, my God.
这就逗了 That's funny on several levels,
因为我是澳大利亚人 而Kiwi是指新西兰人 because I'm actually Australian and a Kiwi is a New Zealander.
新西兰人没什么不好的 我们都喜欢新西兰人 There's nothing wrong with being a Kiwi, we all love Kiwis,
但这就像是把一个中国人说成是日本人 but, um, it's sort of like calling a Chinese person Japanese.
分不清楚两者的文化差别 It's just sort of like, little bit racist
就有点种族主义的味道了 to not recognize the cultural differences there, you know?
天啊 Oh, my gosh.
把我吃了吧 Kiwi是一种水果 Eat me out. It's a fruit, Kiwi.
我吃 I'll take it.
琵琶 你做什么职业 Pippa, what do you do?
我的梦想是做歌手兼写歌词 Well, singer-songwriter is the dream.
但在现实中是派对小丑 Uh, party clown is the reality.
结账 结账 -Hmm. -Check. Just, anyone, a check.
一把椅子 A chair.
一把椅子 Oh, a chair.
对 Right.
很高兴见到你 好久不见了 I'm so excited to see you. It's been so long.
-都跟我说说 -我要死了 -Tell me everything. -I'm dying.
飞机很颠簸 The flight was literally amazoir.
叮叮叮 Ding, ding, ding, ding, da-dang, ding, ding.
现在是祝酒时间 Uh, it's toast, toast time.
噢 Oh.
举起你的酒杯 杰西 Raise your glasses, Jess.
天 真不敢相信你要结婚了 Gosh, I can't believe you're getting married.
感觉就像是昨天 Feels like just yesterday you were showing me
你教我该怎么遮掩脸上被猫抓的伤疤 how to hide that cat scratch on my face with that cover-up.
我记得 I remember that.
虽然我们不是整天能见到你 And even though we don't get to see you all the time
因为你忙着陪彼得 忙着竞选 because you're so busy with Peter and the campaign
忙着更换你们富人家的滤水器 and changing your Brita filters or whatever it is you white people do,
我爱你 你是我的死党 I love you, and you're my best friend.
为我们的友情干杯 Uh... To me and Jess.
-干杯 -干杯 -Be-cheers. -Cheers. Again.
我爱你 艾丽丝 谢谢 I love you, Alice. Thank you.
今晚最多喝三杯 你不能再喝了 Three toasts is the limit tonight, though. You're cut off.
如果你还要喝 趁现在喝 If you're gonna do another one, do it now,
因为我要去卫生间了 'cause I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
-你想来吗 -为什么要跟你一起去 -Do you want to come? -Why would I come with you?
女人都这样 It's a heteronormative thing that girls do.
你们没人回复我邮件中 Okay, guys, no one responded to my emails
提到的该去哪家夜总会 about which club we were gonna go to,
我就打印了Yelp上列举的十佳夜总会 so I printed out the top 1? according to Yelp.
Yelp类似大众点评
我已经有了中意的一家 但我不想影响你们 所以 I have my personal favorite, but I don't want to sway anyone, so...
-是用红圈圈起来的那一家？ -是的 -Is it the one that's circled in big red? -Yeah.
我希望今晚能早点结束 I was kind of hoping that we could make it an early night.
得了吧 什么 Yeah, right. What?
-这可不行 -我太累了 -That doesn't feel right. -No, I'm just so exhausted.
我一直工作忙碌 I mean, I've been so overworked...
绝对不行 宝贝 No, not gonna happen, baby girl, all right?
因为这是我们一生最重要的周末 'Cause this is the biggest weekend of our lives, all right?
各位 各位 Ooh, girls. Ooh, girls.
餐馆工刚给了我一些可卡因 Hi. I just got some coke from the busboy.
什么 -You fucking what? -What?
美国 这么快？ America. Already?
直接就来了 Sort of right on the nose.
这才对嘛 -Yes, okay, now we're talking. -Ba-bam! Booyah!
好 我也吸 Now, okay, I'm in. I'm in.
各位 我不能吸可卡因 Okay, guys, I can't do any cocaine.
我在竞选 I'm running for office.
咋了 没人会发现你 What? No one's gonna find out you did a little coke...
在婚前派对抽了点可卡因 -Stop. -Did a little coke at your bachelorette.
我好久没吸毒了 上次还是 I haven't really done drugs myself since I sort of...
抽了一点shoji根 I smoked this bit of shoji root
是在沙漠中一次远足 然后我死了 on an excursion in the desert, and I died.
总之 我时差反应很大 Anyway, I'm very jet-lagged,
所以我会吸可卡因 so I will do cocaine, yes.
那么大家都吸？ -So everyone's in? Yep? -Dope, dope, dope.
各位 等等 不好吧 You guys, hold on. I don't know.
别跟个傻逼似的 抽点可卡因吧 Stop being a stupid fucking cunt and do a little fucking cocaine!
真是的 弗兰基 Jesus, Frankie.
抱歉 我刚才抽了一点 Sorry, I did a little bit of it.
杰西 Jess.
这会对我... It would mean...
是啊 Yeah.
这会对我意义重大 It would mean so much to me,
如果我们能一起吸点可卡因 if we could do a little bit of cocaine together.
真恶心 So disgusting!
-再给我一点 -好 -Let me get a little more. -Yep.
之前我有些困了 现在我清醒得很 Before, I was very tired, and now I'm sort of very awake.
这是可卡因的作用 That's the cocaine.
我估计也是 -I figured. -Yeah.
我喜欢 我喜欢迈阿密 I love this. I love Miami!
-好啊 -迈阿密 -Yeah, girl! -Miami!
哇 Whoo!
好了 戴上肩带 Okay, now put on these fucking sashes.
Trouble
I don't look for trouble, but trouble looks for me
And it's been waiting around corners since I was 17
They say, "Here comes a hurricane Trouble is her middle name"
But I don't look for trouble, yeah, trouble looks for me
Hey, hey
I just want to live a quiet life
I'll make an excellent wife
Man, I swear I really try
But some boys, they just can't eat it whole
Trouble is my name, you know
-谢谢 -好 -Thank you! -All right.
天啊 Oh, my God!
好 好 Yes, yes, yes!
-天啊 -不 不 -Oh, my God! -No, no, no.
呕吐味太难闻了 Man, it smells like barf over here.
-我们出去吧 -天 -Let's get the fuck out of here. -God!
Blurry
Blurry, blurry
Blurry
Blurry, blurry
Knock 'em back, one, two
But it's gettin' kinda blurry
Get blurry with it
Got my eyes on you
But you're gettin' kinda blurry, no hurry with it
Rock your body, and it all makes sense
Got me up under your influence
我去买几杯酒 I'm getting us drinks.
Knockout blurry, no worries
各位 我们给杰西找个脱衣舞者 You guys, you guys, let's get Jess a stripper!
对啊 -Yes! -Oh, yeah. Okay.
对吗 Right?
各位 各位 舞男还是舞女 You guys, you guys, you guys, male or female, though?
舞男 我考虑给她找个舞男 Male. I'm thinking male for her.
-对 -好 我来办 -Yeah. -Okay, I got it.
弗兰基 你有卫生巾吗 Frankie, do you have a tampon?
-我需要一块 -有 -I need one. -Uh-huh, yup.
-谢谢 -有一块 给 -Thank you. -Got one. Here we go.
你的月经来得真不是时候 What day of your flow are you on?
不 这是我们的暗语 Oh, no, no. It's our code.
大学时 如果我们被男生骚扰 In college, we would ask each other for tampons
就互相借卫生巾 if some guy was skeezing us out and we wanted to be saved.
只要一听到卫生巾 男生们就跑了 You just say "tampon," and they run.
我的天 高招 Oh, my God, I love that.
我以前是用卫生巾 现在都用大卫的杯子 I used to use tampons, but now I use David cups.
-你是说月经杯吧 -不 大卫 -You mean DivaCups. -No, no, David.
是我的邻居大卫设计的 They were designed by my neighbor, David,
收集经血用于他的艺术装饰 to collect blood for an art installation he's doing.
我们现在别谈月经了 Let's stop talking about periods now.
好 Cool.
好了各位 有一个白人女孩提出一个特殊要求 她是 All right, everybody, we have a special request from a Caucasian named
艾丽丝 Alice!
就是我 我是白人艾丽丝 That's me. I'm Caucasian Alice.
把你的姐妹们都带来吧 Bring all your girls up here. Grab 'em.
杰西 快 快 Jess, come on. Come on.
把酒给她 去吧 你们上台去 Give her the drinks. Go on. Girls, get up there.
我们靠这段舞蹈拿了大一才艺比赛冠军 We won the talent show freshman year with this little routine.
你们最好退后点 真的 退后点 Might want to stand back. No, physically, get back!
好 Okay.
不是我们的校友 就不在我们的舞蹈中 If you didn't go to college with us, you're not in the routine.
好 各就各位 Okay, get into places.
All you ladies pop your pussy like this
Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss
All you ladies pop your pussy like this
Shake your body, don't stop, don't miss
Just do it, do it, do it, do it, do it now
Lick it good, suck this pussy
-Just like you should -Yeah!
My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack
你们跳得真好 You're doing so good!
Lick it now, lick it good
-Lick this pussyjust like you should -Come on
Right now, lick it good
她们是我的新朋友 These are my new friends.
My neck, my back, lick
杰西 杰西 Jess, Jess, Jess!
噢 Oh!
天啊 -Oh, shit. -Oh, my God.
你怎么样 你没事吧 Are you okay? You all right?
有人看见我躺下吗 Did anybody see me fall?
人人都看见了 人人都看见了 -Everybody saw. Everybody saw. -No. Well, yeah.
-艾丽丝 你倒了下去 -是的 -Alice! You fell! -Yeah.
实在太美了 It was be-gorgeous!
杰西 你本该接住我的 Jess, you were supposed to catch me.
我忘了这一段 真对不起 You know, I forgot that one part. I'm so sorry.
这是很重要的一段 It's a pretty important part!
再抽点可卡因能让你舒服些吗 Would some more cocaine make you feel better?
是的 Yes!
I'm gonna party till the break of day
这蒙特布查诺红酒高贵又叛逆 This Montepulciano is majestic and rebellious.
告诉我 你们尝到了什么 Tell me, what are you tasting?
胡椒 Pepper.
我还要再尝尝 Pass. I need more time.
森林地被 Forest floor.
甘草 Licorice.
有一种乡愁 -There's a nostalgia to it, you know? -Mmm-hmm. Yes.
你们都说对了 -You are all correct! -Oh!
-好 -我还要再尝尝 -Yes! -I need more time.
噢 Oh.
是杰西打来的 It's Jess.
-接啊 -好 你好 -Take it. -Okay. Hello.
我醉了 已经丢了两张信用卡了 I'm drunk! I lost two credit cards already.
不 好吧 Oh, no. Okay.
-我们这里也很热闹 -真的吗 -Well, it's getting pretty wild over here, too. -Really?
我尝到一点蜂蜡的味道 I'm getting, like, a light beeswax.
我喜欢 -Oh, I like that. -Oh.
杰西 盖伊说我们可以开他的兰博 Jess, guy says that we can drive his Lambo.
-我 宝贝 我要挂了 -好 -I, um, I... Babe, I got to go. -All right.
平安回去后给我打电话 Call me when you're home safe.
-我会的 我爱你 -我也爱你 -I will. I love you. -Love you, too.
放下电话吧 Get off the phone.
我们准备好疯狂了吗 Are we ready to get crazy?
好啊 -Yeah. -Sure.
这种蓝布鲁斯科红酒是 This Lambrusco is served...
凉着喝的 Chilled!
你们还记得米歇尔吗 Do you guys remember Michelle?
噢 米歇尔 她特别喜欢五分钱乐队 Oh, Michelle, she was obsessed with Nickelback.
美啊 杰西 Ooh, beauty, Jess!
-我知道这个派对需要什么 -什么 -I know what this soiree needs. -What?
披萨 Pizza!
耶 Yeah!
披萨 披萨 -Pizza! Pizza! -Yes, yes, yes.
好啊 -Yes! -Nice! Sweet!
好吧 我喜欢她 Okay, I love her.
-是不是啊 -是的 -Right? -Yes.
她很棒 不知道她是怎么说的 She is... Be-mazing? I don't know how she would say it,
反正她很棒 but she is incredible!
相信我 她是我们自己人 I am telling you, she is one of us.
-她那么无拘无束 -没错 -She is so free-spirited. -Totally.
-我爱她 -也未必吧 -I just... I love her. -I don't know about that.
你们有没有感觉 -I totally feel it. -Do you guys feel like
她来这里是用的工作签证 she's here on a work visa,
或是旅游签证 是不是违法 or, like, a tourist visa or, like, illegally?
-她是什么来头 -什么 -Like, what's her deal? -What, dude?
她是来参加婚前派对的 -She's here for a bachelorette party. -That is crazy.
我只是... -Build a wall. -I just, like, don't...
今晚不想干什么违法的事 I don't want to do anything illegal tonight.
你没违法？ -What? -You don't?
你刚吸了一大堆可卡因 You just snorted a mound of cocaine.
那是为了杰西 -Simultaneously. -That was, like, in the name of Jess.
是为了杰西 That was, like, for Jess.
别推到我身上 -Don't put that on me. -Oh, check you out.
你可真傻 You're literally cuckoo.
我只是说别人会怎么想 I'm just, like, voicing what some people are thinking,
-不是吗 -你们有香肠吗 -you know what I mean? -Do you have snags?
好 没有香肠 Okay, no snags.
这不是披萨店吗 Um, is... This is a pizza shop, yeah?
天 真热乎 God, it is so warm.
你们快进来 -You guys have to get in. -Mmm,
我来了 I am coming.
但我要提醒你 I am gonna warn you now.
我没时间自己刮毛 所以我下面很茂密 Uh, did not have time to self-wax, so it is like a jungle down there.
-自己刮毛？ -是的 Self-wax? -Yeah.
是用那种胶带吗 Like, with those weird little, like, paper strips?
恶心 Yikes, dude.
连我都觉得恶心 Even I'm like, "Yikes, dude."
我不明白 为什么这么反感 Look, you guys, I don't understand. Why all the hate?
噢 Ooh.
我去开门 我去开门 -Mmm. -Okay, I got it, I got it.
-来的真快 -但说真的 -Well, that was fast. -But, seriously,
我们等会还要再谈谈刮毛的事 we're gonna talk about this self-wax thing later.
走吧 -Okay, come on. -Ooh.
-嗨 -还不错 -Hey... -Oh, not bad.
脱衣舞男来了 Stripper's here!
好 -You guys! -Yes!
我不想要舞男 I don't want a stripper!
你带了CD了吗 Did you bring a CD or anything?
“这才叫音乐”之类的 Like, Now That's What I Call Music! or anything?
-没 我没带 -没关系 -No. No, I didn't. -No? It's all right.
我手机上也有很下流的歌曲 I got some pretty filthy music on my phone.
-我给你播放 -谢谢 -I'll hook you up. -Thanks.
嗨 -Hey. -Hi.
嗨 我要去小便 Hey, um, I, uh, I got to take a piss.
好 卫生间在前面 Oh, yeah, there's a bathroom down there.
好 All right.
就在前面 It's, like, down there.
他的鸡鸡要惨了 I bet he's going to fluff his junk!
我们给他点空间 搭个舞台 Let's give him room, let's make a stage, yes.
各位 我不想要脱衣舞男 You guys, I don't want a stripper.
他好像是有事 I think he looks like he's on something.
他肯定是抹了什么 比如浴盐 He's definitely on something. Like bath salts.
天啊 他要吃我们的脸 Oh, my God, he's gonna eat our faces.
这个老式遥控器真让人糊涂 -Oh, God, he would! -Ugh, this vintage remote is so confusing.
我从未找过脱衣舞男 I've never even had a striptease. I mean...
也有过一次 -Nope. -Well, there was that one time.
好 Yes!
还是换个人吧 Maybe somebody else should go.
-舞男 舞男 -这是杰西 -Stripper. Stripper, stripper. -So, this is Jess,
待嫁新娘 你的臣民 the bride-to-be, your subject, okay?
对你来说幸运的是 And lucky for you, so lucky,
你想把她怎么样都行 you get to do whatever you want.
睡了她 Fuck her!
-艾丽丝 -真是的 -Alice! -Jesus.
咋了 真有这可能 -Too much. -What? If it happens.
-好 开始吧 -来吧 -Okay, whoo! Here we go. -Do it.
第一层 脱了 First layer, off.
I touch myself
天 -Oh, shit. -Yeah!
-好 -来啊 杰西 -Okay. -Come on, Jess!
他来了 他在看着我 Here he comes. He's looking at me.
我的天 Ooh, happy Boxing Day.
好 Yes!
很让我兴奋 但我现在尿急 It's kind of turning me on, but I really have to pee,
所以我挺糊涂 so it's, like, so confusing.
骚扰他 好 Mansploitation, bitch! Yes!
快进入正题吧 快进入正题吧 Let's get to the beans, let's get to the beans.
对 快来吧 Yeah, just do it.
早点结束 早点结束 Get it over with. Get it over with!
-真棒 -爱她 -So good! -Love her.
让她感觉受宠 Make her feel special.
-好 -摸啊 -Yes! -Get that!
他真热乎 Oh, he's warm.
好吧 我喜欢 Ooh, all right. I like it.
好 Okay.
我知道你喜欢 小骚货 I know you want it, you little slut.
天啊 不 Oh, God! No! Ew.
恶心 你坐下 Gross. You sit down.
太侵犯了 So aggressive.
-我成同性恋了 -好 轮到我了 -I'm definitely gay. -Okay, my turn!
喂 喂 Whoa, whoa, whoa.
糟了 -Oh! -Oh, shit!
天啊 Holy shit.
我没事 -I'm good! -Hey.
你没事吧 Are you okay?
他没事 你没事对吧 Oh, him? He's fine. You're okay, right, bud?
天啊 Oh, God.
-天啊 -天啊 是血 -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. -Oh, shit! That's blood!
怎么回事 天啊 What the fuck? Oh, God.
天啊 他没呼吸了 Oh, my God, he's not breathing!
谁会心肺复苏术吗 -Shit! -Does anybody know CPR?
-天啊 -我去Youtube上查查 -Oh, my God. -I'll look it up on YouTube!
-不 不 -天啊 -No, no, no. -Oh, my God.
我们必须做些什么 We got to do something!
该死 Youtube在播放卫生纸的广告 Bugger! It's playing an advert for toilet tissue.
杰西 做些什么 Jess, do something!
-该死 -不 不 -Shit. -No, no, no.
天啊 Holy shit!
求你了 上帝 不要让这种事发生 Oh, please, God, please don't let this happen.
他流血不止 我止不住血 He's bleeding out. I can't stop the blood!
我有镇痛药 我去包里拿来 I have some Advil. I'll get it out of my bag.
镇痛药能有什么用 艾丽丝 What's Advil gonna do, Alice?
-那是强效镇痛剂 混蛋 -快叫救护车 -It's extra-strength, bitch! -Somebody call an ambulance!
-四五六七八 -他没心跳了 -Four, five, six, seven, eight... -He doesn't have a pulse.
天啊 Fuck.
他死了 He's dead.
-该死 -该死 -Oh, shit. -Oh, shit.
I...
I don't want anybody else
关了音乐 Turn off the fucking music!
Oh, I don't want anybo...
真对不起 -Oh, shit. -I'm so sorry.
我不是故意的 I didn't mean to.
-天啊 -真对不起 -Oh, my God. -Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
真对不起 I'm so sorry.
天啊 这血 -No, no, no. -Oh, God, the blood,
流得到处都是 it's going everywhere.
纸巾 快拿纸巾 Paper towels! Somebody get paper towels!
你怎么啥都不干 布莱尔 Why don't you do something, Blair!
我是授权 I'm delegating!
我杀了个人 -I killed a guy. -It's okay.
天啊 Oh, God.
不要用浴巾 -Oh, not the bathroom towels. -Oh, shit.
你胡说什么 What are you talking about!
现在还管用什么毛巾 Who cares about towels right now?
我不知道 我不知道该怎么办 Well, I don't know! I don't know what to do!
我杀了个人 I killed a guy!
天啊 Oh, God!
我今天杀了个人 -I killed a guy today. -Okay, okay.
-深呼吸 -你干了什么坏事 -Deep breaths, deep breaths. -"What'd you do?"
我杀了个人 -Deep breath. -"I killed a guy."
你打算干什么 "What have you been up to?"
去死 "Death."
-镇定一下 -好些了 -Keep it in there. -That's better. That's better.
该报警了 对吗 Time to call the police. Yeah?
不 别报警 我们都吸了毒 No, no, no, don't call the police. We're all high.
等药劲过去 我们再报警 Let's get rid of the drugs, and then we'll call the police.
是的 我们只要处理掉一个死去的舞男 没事 Yeah, we'll just, we'll clean up a dead stripper, cool.
严格来说 他是个鸭子 Well, technically, he's a prostitute.
-他是个鸭子？ -不 -He's a prostitute? -No.
我在分类广告上找的 I got him from Craigslist.
他是个舞男 但也是个鸭子 He is a stripper, but then also an escort.
你找了个鸭子？ You hired a gigolo?
别看不起性工作者 布莱尔 Don't judge sex work, Blair!
-我的天 -弗兰基 -Oh, my God! -Frankie!
你知道我在竞选公职 你怎么能这么对我 You know I'm running for public office! How could you do this to me?
对我来说更严重 我有两次犯罪前科 It's worse for me. I have two strikes.
再有第三次的话 会判25年以上 If I get a third, I could go to jail for 25 to life.
我本来都不能离开州境的 I'm not even supposed to be out of the state right now.
我撬掉我的电子脚镣才来到这里 I had to pry my ankle monitor off with a shoehorn to get here!
天啊 Oh, God.
都怪这椅子 It's the chair's fault.
这破烂椅子 Fuckin' shit chair!
等一下 你们等一下 Wait a minute. You guys, wait a minute!
这只是个意外 It was an accident. Right?
意外事件扯不上犯罪 So, like, we're not gonna get in trouble for an accident.
我们是在佛罗里达 We're in Florida, Alice.
一个白人死在一群女人手上 A white dude is dead at the hands of a bunch of women.
是的 白人女人 Yeah, white women.
我是黑人 你们或许忘了这一点 I'm black, in case any of you have forgotten.
忘了这一点的只有你 I think the only person who's forgotten that is you.
你怎么能这么说 How dare you.
我的话说完了 I rest my case.
我就知道这个周末不该来 I knew this weekend was a terrible idea.
什么 不 What? No.
这依然可以成为我们一生最棒的周末 This can still be the best weekend of our fucking lives!
我们只要一笑置之 对吗 多笑笑 Let's just smile a little bit about it. Right? Smile more.
我们不会有事的 Okay, we're gonna be fine.
我们要报警 但杰西说的对 -We're gonna call the cops, but Jess is right. -Definitely.
我们要把现场做的尽可能无辜 We need to make this seem as innocent as possible,
所以我们把毒品都处理掉 so let's get rid of all the drugs.
我去办 I'm on it.
艾丽丝 不是吸掉 Alice, not by doing them!
谁告诉我该怎么办 我都会干 Okay, someone tell me what to do, and I will do it.
什么 What the...
该死 该死 -Oh. Oh. -Shit, shit, shit.
是送披萨的 It's pizza.
各位 我们怎么办 You guys, what are we gonna do?
这房子是玻璃墙 他能看到里面的情形 The house is made of glass. He can see in.
我们要转移他 We got to move him, you guys.
快 快 Do it, do it, do it.
快 快 Go, go, go.
等等 你们等等 Wait, wait, wait, you guys.
你们等等 等等 等一下 You guys, you guys, you guys, wait, wait, wait. One second.
小心沙发 Watch the couch.
谁去开门 -Shit. -Somebody answer the door.
谁有现金给小费吗 Does anyone have cash for a tip?
我有澳元 I have Australian dollars.
比美元更坚挺 They're stronger than American dollars.
卡斯特鲁奇披萨 Castelucci Pizza.
-这是什么 -你走 -What's this? -Leave.
天啊 -Oh, God. -Oh, fuck.
我表情很自然 I was natural.
好 打开 Okay, open it.
打开 Open it up.
好 Oh, yes.
你们现在怎么吃得下 How can you eat right now?
吃饭是人们应对紧张的首要方式 好吗 Eating is the number one way people deal with stress, okay?
别瞧不起我 Don't give me shit.
你们想吃吗 You guys want some?
-好 我吃一片 -我也吃一片 -Oh, yeah, I'd go for a slice. One second. -I'll have a slice. Yeah.
我觉得现在是时候报警了 对吗 Okay, I think now it's time for us to call the cops, yeah?
等等 我觉得应该先给个律师打电话 Wait, wait, wait. I think we should call a lawyer first,
我们就知道审问时该说什么了 so we know exactly what to say during the interrogation.
等等 怎么回事 -Okay. -Wait, I'm sorry, what's going on?
我们要被审问？ We're gonna be interrogated?
我们100%要被审问 We are 1?0% gonna be interrogated.
一个人死了 Somebody died in a sketchy way.
我们会被分别关押在牢房里 They're gonna separate us into little cells,
灯光晃动 you know, with swinging lights.
条子们会尽力使我们心里崩溃 那些混蛋 The coppers are gonna try to crack us, fucking pigs!
好吧 那我们更要找律师了 Okay, let's definitely call a lawyer, then.
天啊 我叔叔杰克 Oh, my God. My Uncle Jack.
他就是为伯尼.麦道夫辩护的律师团成员 He was on the team that defended Bernie Madoff.
-谢天谢地 -谢天谢地 -Ah, thank God. -Thank God.
等等 我们要用一次性手机 这样不留记录 Wait. We should use a burner phone so there's no record.
-好主意 -有道理 -Good idea. -That's actually a good point.
-该死 -怎么了 艾丽丝 -Shit! -What, Alice?
泡沫派对 The foam party!
要不要卖掉我们的入场券 Should I sell our passes?
哇 Wow.
你说的对 我们见机行事 You're right. Let's play it by ear.
聪明 杰西 Smart, Jess.
该死 彼得 Oh, shit! Peter!
我回来后忘了给他打电话了 -Okay. -I forgot to call him when I got home.
-不要接 -我必须接 -Do not answer that. -I have to.
杰西 停 -No! -Jess. Jess, stop.
你好 Hello!
-嗨 宝贝 -嗨 你怎么样 -Hey, babe. -Hi. How's it going?
你平安回家了吧 你没打电话 -Stop. -Are you home safe? You never called.
是的 我回来了 -Hang up. Hang up. -Yeah, I am.
一切都很好 Yeah, everything's great.
你是不是又吸毒了 听你说话怪怪的 Did you do whippets again? You sound really weird.
-什么 -一切都好吧 -What? -Is everything all right?
-挂了 挂了 -停 停 -Hang up. Hang up. Hang up. -Stop, stop, stop.
-彼得 发生了很糟糕的事 -不 -Peter, something really bad happened. -No.
-什么事 -来了个人 -What? -No, this guy came over.
他是个舞男 还是个鸭子 He was a stripper, like, a prostitute.
鸭子？ -A prostitute? -And we were drunk,
我不知道该怎么办 and coked up, and I don't know what to do.
你不想结婚了？ About what? The wedding?
杰西 你还想不想结婚 Jess, do you still want to get married?
-你不能... -不 -You can't, you can't... -No!
杰西 Jess!
想不到你竟然这么做 I can't believe you just did that.
我们咨询律师前 不能跟任何人交谈 We can't talk to anybody until we consult with a lawyer.
她说的对 这样吧 She's right. You know what,
我先没收所有人的手机 直到我们知道该怎么办 I'm collecting everyone's phones until we know what the plan is.
同意吗 -Agreed? -Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
-对 -同意 -Yes. -Agreed.
好吧 -Mmm-hmm. -Fine.
-我上面有个休闲游戏 -给我 -Well, I have a game on it that relaxes me. -Give it.
谢谢 Thank you.
我们要去便利店买个一次性手机 Okay, so we got to get this burner phone from a convenience store.
-高明 -好主意 -Smart. -Yeah, good idea.
我和弗兰基去买 Frankie and I can go.
-好的 -呃 -Great. -Um...
-或者换别人去 -为什么 -Or, like, anybody else could go. -Why?
-我们争执吗 -我们争吵 是的 -Do we argue? -We bicker. Yeah, we bicker.
不 我觉得我们辩论 -It's true, but... -No. I think that we debate,
这是正常的说话 which is a normal part of talking.
有意思 都是一回事 辩论和争执 That's funny. That's the same thing, debating and arguing.
-是同义词 -同义词？ -It's semantics. -"Semantics."
想不到我在跟一个语言大师说话 Wow, I didn't realize I was talking to a wordsmith.
她俩以前是情人吧 -They used to be lovers, yeah? -Three syllables.
我是语言大师因为我常看新闻 I'm a wordsmith 'cause I read the news regularly.
这么明显吗 -Is it that obvious? -Oh, my God.
我对这种事感觉很准 -I'm too busy shopping, right? -I have a sort of a sense of these things.
而且她一直盯着她的胸部 Also, she's been fixated on her nips.
虽然我不用汤姆的除臭剂 Just because I don't use Tom's of Maine deodorant, which,
这除臭剂并不管用 by the way, does not work...
我也不用汤姆的除臭剂 I don't use Tom's deodorant...
不忍心看 是不是 -It's kind of nasty to watch, isn't it? -...into my body.
我打了电话 她接听了 Yeah, so, I call. She picks up.
她说话很怪异 -Uh-huh. -She sounds very strange.
我立刻就知道有些不对劲 I know something's wrong immediately.
最后她终于承认了 And then, finally, she admits it.
她说和一个鸭子发生了很糟糕的事 She says something really bad happened with a prostitute.
噢 这不等于她就出轨了 -Ooh! -That does not mean she cheated.
但如果她早就打算出轨 现在正是时候 But if she was going to cheat, this is when she would do it.
-天啊 -迈阿密 婚前派对 -Oh, God. -Miami, bachelorette party.
再正常不过 -It's pretty classic. -Mmm...
严格来说 如果是鸭子就不算出轨 It's not cheating if it's with a prostitute. Technically.
什么 这就是出轨 -What? -What? Yes, it is.
各位 我们必须对性关系的唯一性 Look, guys, we have to have realistic attitudes
抱有现实主义的态度 about sexual exclusivity.
这都不重要了 因为 Whatever. It doesn't even matter, because...
我问她是不是还想结婚 I asked her if she still wanted to get married.
她喊着不 然后就挂了电话 She screamed "no" and then she hung up!
所以呢 各位 So, guess what, guys,
你们没有婚礼参加了 把礼服都退回去吧 there's no wedding for you to go to, so return your tuxes.
不 No!
好吧 留着你们的礼服 -No. Hell, no. -Fine, keep your tuxes,
但我的婚礼取消了 but my wedding's off.
这并不意外 It's not a shock, right?
毕竟 哥们 我爱你 你是我的至交好友 I mean, buddy, I love you, you're one of my best friends,
可你是屌丝 而她是 but you're a six and she's a...
女神 Twenty.
-天啊 天啊 -他能听见你 -Oh, my God. Oh, my God. -He can hear you.
我要晕倒了 Oh, I'm feeling... I'm feeling weak.
-我头晕 -喂喂 -I'm feeling dizzy, I'm... -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
-喂喂 -天啊 -Hey, hey, hey, hey. -Oh, my God.
我就知道不该高攀 我就知道 I knew I shouldn't date out of my league, I knew it.
她第一次约我的时候 我以为是逗我玩的 When she first asked me out, I thought it was a prank.
我能感觉她越来越疏远 但我以为是由于工作 I could feel her pulling away, but I thought it was work.
我想吐 -I'm gonna be sick. -No, no, no.
-给我些葡萄酒 -好 -Give him some Madeira. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
彼得 喝一小口 -Yeah. -Peter, that's it. Just take a sip.
-一饮而尽 -我给你拿块干奶酪 -Chug-a-lug. Bup-bup-bup-bup. -Oh, I'll get you a soft cheese!
对 Yes!
这太傻了 This is so stupid.
但这样没人能准确辨认我们的面容 Yeah, but this way no one can definitively ID our face.
老人 正合适 Old people. Perfect.
什么牌子的都可以 Any brand is fine.
你们脸上是什么 What's that on your face?
是排毒面膜 A detoxifying mud mask.
我们需要个一次性手机 Look, we need a burner phone, okay?
-这是一点钱 -再说一遍 一次性手机 -Here's some cash. -Again, a burner phone,
能在柜台后面找到 and you can find that behind the counter.
-好了 我们能听见 -在店里 -Okay. We heard you. -Inside.
你们这些五六十岁的人真难伺候 You baby boomers are so demanding.
是啊 I know.
我真受够了 -Jesus. Come on, Ma. -I'm sick and tired of this shit.
真不敢相信他死了 I can't believe he's dead.
-感觉都是我的错 -不 -And it's, like, all my fault. -No, no.
真是个悲剧 It really is a tragedy, you know?
他本可以成为治愈癌症的科学家 He could have been a scientist that was gonna cure cancer or something.
你这话说的好 -It's nice of you to say. -Yeah.
他是不是在盯着我 Guys, is he looking, like, straight at me?
-天啊 -是的 -Oh, my God, he's... -Yeah. Yeah.
他在看着我吧 He's looking at me, right?
嗯 Mmm
嗨 宝贝 Hi, baby boy.
妈妈来了 Mummy Hubbard's here.
她要送你回家 She's gonna send you home.
好 Okay.
睡吧 Sleep now.
不 杰西 不 Oh, no. Jesus, no. No, no, no.
我不喜欢 我不喜欢 -Okay, why don't we... -I don't like it, I don't like it,
我来 -I don't like it. -Guys, I got it.
我来 -I got it. -I'm done.
好了 -I'm done. -There we go.
他这样子挺好看吧 He looks good, right?
没错 Totally.
-天啊 杰西 -怎么了 -Oh, my God, Jess. -What?
看你的戒指 Look at this ring.
感觉比在视频聊天时看到的更大 It's even bigger in real life than it is on Skype.
是啊 他精心挑选的 -Yeah, he did a good job. -Oh.
你们还视频聊天？ You guys Skype?
-是的 -我们有过吗 -Yes. -Oh, do we?
是的 Yes.
能看到通话的人 It's really nice to just sort of, you know, see the person
感觉更好些 when you're talking to them.
我还不知道呢 -I didn't know that. -Yes.
你还不知道视频聊天？ You don't know Skype?
是一种免费视频通话应用 Skype is a free video calling app.
我知道视频聊天 -You should... -No, I know what Skype is.
杰西 你说你忘了密码 Jess, you said you couldn't remember your password.
噢 很难登录上去 Well, it is really hard to sign in.
-该死 -该死 -Oh, shit! -Shit!
-这是谁的狗 -走开 走开 -Whose dog is that? -Go away! Go away!
走 走 -Go! Go, go. -Charlie? Here, boy!
-狗的主人正向这房子走来 -天啊 -The owner is coming towards the house. -Oh, God.
不 你们声音太大了 No, no, no. You're being too loud.
我能跟动物说话 我们能相互了解 I can speak to animals, we have a deep understanding,
-让我来 -查理 -so I got this. -Charlie?
-走吧 -小心点 -Just go! -Okay, be careful, though.
好 -Okay. -Here, boy!
好 查理 来 Okay, Charlie. Come on.
来 来 Come on, come on.
天啊 -Aah! Ow! Aah! -Oh, shit!
啊 啊 Ow. Ow.
别过来 我把狗带过去 -Charlie! -You stay. I'm bringing him to you.
这不可能 每个人从沙滩上就能看到房子里 This is impossible, anybody can see into the house from the beach.
-这太不靠谱了 -我知道 -This is crazy. -I know.
如果有人在我们之前报警 我们就死定了 If someone reports it before we do, we're dead.
我们只要让尸体不会被人看见 Well, we just... We have to get the body out of sight, that's all.
好 -Yeah, okay. -All right.
-好了 -你没事吧 -Okay. -You all right?
-你没事吧 -很好 -You all right? -Good.
天啊 琵琶 都能看到它的压印 Oh, my God, Pip, I can see all of his teeth marks.
看起来很严重 That looks really bad.
不 不 这... No, no, no. This is...
没事 我没事 That's not... I'm good.
对 她没事 看她的眼睛 Yeah, she's fine. Look at her in the eyes.
我们把尸体藏起来 Okay? So let's just get the body out of sight,
报警前再把尸体放回去 and then we'll put him back before we call the cops. Yeah?
就这么办吧 -Let's do it. Right? -Yes.
-干吧 -来吧 -Let's go! Okay! -Let's do it.
支着门 Hold the door. Hang on one sec.
-好的 -这里有两级台阶 -Got it. -There's two steps here. Hold on.
有两级台阶 -Yeah, we got it. Ow. -Oh, there's two steps.
-把他放下 -是我 -Put him down. -That was me.
谁把灯打开 Can somebody turn the lights on?
-我开灯 -好了 -I'll get it. -Oh, there we go.
天啊 -That's better. -Oh, God!
艾丽丝 盖住尸体 Shit! Alice, cover the body!
为什么 为什么 Why? Why? Why?
琵琶 你做了什么 Pippa, what did you do?
这是闹鬼 This is a poltergeist situation.
我什么都没干 I'm not doing anything.
肯定有保险丝盒 -All right. -There's got to be a fuse box.
-天啊 来了辆出租车 -糟了 -Oh, God. There is a taxi. -Oh, no, no.
来了辆出租车 There is a taxi right here.
不 不 No! No, no, no.
不了 谢谢 No, thank you.
我藏起来 藏起来 -Cover the body. -Hide me. Hide me.
天啊 -Balls! -Jesus Christ.
找床被子 找床被子 Find a quilt. Find a fucking quilt.
天啊 -What the... -Jesus!
-我的羊水破了 -什么 -Oh, no. My water broke! My water broke! -What?
不 我是尿了 No, no, I just peed.
我控制不了这门 -I have no control over this. -Pippa.
关上 你这混蛋 Close, you fuck.
-给你车费 谢谢 -我没尿 -Here you go, sir. Thank you. -Thought I peed. I didn't pee.
-谢谢你开车送来 -谢谢 -Thank you very much for the ride. -Thank you.
-一路平安 -这里是怎么了 -Safe home! -What the fuck is going on in here?
我们想搞个车库乐队 你们会弹贝斯吗 We're starting a garage band. Do you guys play bass?
我们在藏尸体 还能干什么 We're hiding a body. What do you think we're doing?
别老是说尸体了 Stop saying "body" so many times.
-艾丽丝 你干什么了 -抱歉 -Alice, what the hell are you doing, man? -Sorry.
快点 -Come on. -God!
用腿把他抬起来 Lift him up with your legs. Lift with your legs.
真的 他越来越沉了 I swear to God, he's getting heavier every time.
等一下 Just hold one second.
-这里有两级台阶 -不 -There's two stairs up here. -No!
我们歇一下 我们歇一下 -I got it. -Let's take a break. Let's take a break.
歇歇 Break, break, break.
不 不 -No, no, no. -Okay.
我累坏了 -Okay. -I am out of shape.
-累坏了 -问个问题 -Really good. -Quick question.
为什么要转移尸体 Why are we moving the dead stripper?
整座房子都是玻璃做的 The whole house is made out of glass.
这不可能 从哪儿都能看见 This is impossible. You can see in everywhere.
放在哪儿不会被人看见呢 Where could we put him that he's not gonna be seen?
你怎么看 杰克叔叔 So, what do you think, Uncle Jack?
可以指控你们过失杀人 They could charge you with involuntary manslaughter,
但这很难找到证据 but it's not that easy to prove.
-谢天谢地 -那就好 -Ah, thank God. -Well, that's not bad.-That's okay.
只要别碰尸体 -Just don't touch the body
-或者现场 就没事的 -什么 -or the scene, and you'll be fine. -What?
我们已经把他 Okay, so actually, we have already moved him
放到性爱秋千上了 to a sex swing, Your Honor.
什么 What?
我说我们已经把他放在性爱秋千上了 I said, "Actually, we have already moved him to a sex swing, Your Honor."
我听到了 I heard you.
你们故意的破坏了现场 You knowingly tampered with the scene,
这样你们就成了事后从犯 which means you're guilty of accessory after the fact,
过失杀人罪就很容易成立了 and they'll have a strong case for involuntary manslaughter.
这意味着什么 Wait, what does that mean?
15年以下监禁 Up to 15 years in prison.
-什么 -15年？ -What? -Fifteen?
-那我们怎么办 -这是开放路线吗 -Well, what can we do?-Are we on an open line here, girls?
-这是个一次性手机 -好的 -It's a burner phone. -Good.
就像我对罗伯.劳所说的 Like I told Rob Lowe,
只要没有尸体 就没法立案 if there's no body, there's no case.
我们不能把他分尸 We can't just chop him up.
这样吧 我就跟警察说全是我干的 You know what? I'll just tell the cops it was just me.
我们都转移了尸体 No, we all moved the body.
都犯了罪 It's a crime.
但只要我们把情况解释清楚 Well, yeah, but if we just, like, explain the situation...
谁听你解释 What are you talking about, "Explain"?
去年在坦帕 有个人威胁要杀了自己老婆 Last year, a guy in Tampa, he threatened to kill his wife,
于是她开枪警告他 so she fired a warning shot,
而她却被判了20年的刑 and she went to jail for 20 years.
这个国家真是毫无天理 This country should be burned to the ground!
该死 Shit.
我就差一点 彼得 I was so close. Peter.
我的仕途 My career.
现在全都泡汤了 It's all over, just like that.
我会被判个无期 I'm gonna do real time.
甚至终身监禁 Maybe life.
而你们过几年就出来了 You guys are gonna get off with a few years.
我一年都不能坐 我正跟前夫争夺抚养权 I can't do any years. I'm in the middle of a custody battle.
-什么 -什么 -What? -What?
什么 What?
我和马尔科姆半年前离婚了 Malcolm and I separated six months ago.
你没告诉我 You didn't tell me.
你一直忙得很 杰西 Yeah, you've been a little preoccupied, Jess.
为什么不告诉我 Why didn't you tell me?
不想被你瞧不起 I didn't need your judgment.
布莱尔 我绝不会为此瞧不起你 Blair, I would never judge you for something like that.
天啊 我的学生们 Oh, my God, my students.
他们以我为偶像 They idolize me.
他们把我看成是全世界 They think I'm, like, the best fucking adult
最好的成年人 in the whole fucking world.
他们会走向犯罪 They'll turn to crime.
我不能坐牢 I can't go to jail.
我连《女子监狱》的第一集 I couldn't even make it through the first episode
都看不下去 of Orange Is the New Black.
我们没人能 None of us can.
剧情太肥皂了 It's too soapy, right?
不 我是说我们都不能坐牢 No, I meant none of us can go to jail.
等等 Wait, you guys.
就算我们不被指控破坏现场 Even if we don't get charged with this tampering with evidence thing,
我们也不知道这个人的来头 we don't know who this man is.
他的同伙可能会来报仇 His family could come seek revenge.
他可能是贩毒集团的 会砍掉我们的脚趾 He could be part of a cartel that's gonna cut off our toes
塞进我们屁眼里 and stick them up our bums.
她说的对 She's right.
我们每天都会活的提心吊胆 We'll have to look over our shoulders for the rest of our lives.
他也说过 He did say that
如果找不到尸体 it would be hard to convict
就很难定罪 with no body.
毕竟这只是意外 I mean, it was an accident.
他也不是什么卖淫团伙的人 And he's not part of an escort company, you know?
应该没人知道他来了这里 So I don't think anybody knows he's here.
嗯 Mmm.
我们必须处理掉他 We got to get rid of him.
-是吗 -是的 -We gotta, right? -Yeah.
我们必须 -We do. -We have to.
-不是我们想这么干 -我们当然不想 -I mean, we don't want to. -No, of course we don't want to.
我们没想杀他 We didn't want to kill him.
-没别的办法 -但我们必须干 -We have no other option. -But we have to.
没错 没错 -Of course we have to. -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
必须 Must.
嗨 我是布莱尔 不要留言 Hey, it's Blair. Don't leave a message.
好了 她们谁都不接电话 Okay. That's it. None of them are picking up.
这说明真的出事了 That means something really bad happened.
哥们 这可是第三个对不起你的女朋友 Dude, this is, like, the third girlfriend that's cheated on you.
到底是怎么了 What is that? What's going on, buddy?
是不是你的鸡鸡硬起来之后畸形？ Does your dick bend weird when it gets hard?
不 No.
-好的 -无所谓了 -All right. -Doesn't matter.
我们带你去婚介所吧 你可以再找一个 Let's get you on Tinder right now, so you can start on a rebound.
我不想去婚介所 -No, I don't want to be on Tinder, okay? -Come on.
你曾淡忘了别的女友 将来也能淡忘她 You've gotten over other girls, you can get over her.
她不是别的女孩 她是杰西 我不会淡忘她的 Yeah, this isn't some girl, this is Jess. I'm not gonna get over her, you know?
也不想淡忘她 And I don't want to get over her.
那你这次就不要轻易放手 彼得 Then, this time, do something about it, Peter.
你说得对 You're right.
你说得对 我要去迈阿密 让她回心转意 You're right, I got to go to Miami, and I got to win her back.
对 很好 -Yes, dude. Yes. Awesome. -Okay, okay.
最早的一架航班是明天上午10点 The first flight out of Charleston gets in at 1?:?0 a.m. tomorrow morning.
-不行 -还有一列火车 -No. -Oh. There is a train
明天下午能到迈阿密 最后一节车厢里还有座位 that gets there tomorrow afternoon and there's room in the quiet car.
还不够快 你必须悲伤的宇航员 Not quick enough. You got to sad astronaut.
什么 -What? -Huh?
他必须悲伤的宇航员 He has to sad astronaut.
什么意思 -Okay, what is that? -That's nothing to me.
-悲伤的宇航员 -那个新闻报道 -Sad astronaut? -That news story?
好吧 Okay.
丽莎.诺瓦克曾是个宇航员 Lisa Marie Nowak was an astronaut.
她和另一个叫威尔的宇航员相爱 And she was in love with another astronaut named Will.
威尔和一个美女空军上尉出轨了 Now, Will cheated on Lisa with some hottie Air Force captain.
丽莎知道后很生气 Lisa found out and was pissed.
于是丽莎决定去处理 So, Lisa decided to deal with it.
一劳永逸的解决 她带了很多成人尿布 Once and for all. And she got a bunch of adult diapers,
路上就不用小便了 so she wouldn't have to piss on the way,
她直接开车从休斯顿去了奥兰多 and she drove straight from Houston to Orlando
绑架了空军...很快就成了血腥事件 to, like, kidnap the Air Force... It's... The story gets dark quick.
总之 她用她疯狂的天体物理学家的头脑 Point is, she used that crazy astrophysicist brain
找到了去佛罗里达最快的办法 to find the quickest way to Florida.
-你想夺回杰西 对吗 -是的 -You... You want to get Jess back, right? -Yeah.
那你就必须伤心的宇航员 Then you got to sad astronaut, bro.
我们去买尿布 Let's get some diapers.
La-da-da-da-dah
It's the motherfuckin' D-O-double-G
Snoop Dogg!
La-da-da-da-dah, you know I'm mobbin'
With the D-R-E
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know who's back
Up in this motherfucker?
What, what, what, what...
这种牌子不行 漏水 Not this brand! These leak!
La-da-da-da-dah
It's the motherfuckin' D-R-E
-Dr. Dre, motherfucker -What, what, what, what
La-da-da-da-dah
You know I'm mobbin' with the D-O-double-G
Straight off the fuckin' streets of C-P-T
King of the beats, you ride to 'em
-In your Fleet -Fleetwood
Or Coupe de Ville rollin' on dubs
How you feel? Whoopty-whoop, nigga, what?
It's the next episode
-天啊 -没那么重 -Jesus Christ. -It's not that bad.
是因为上面的尸体重 I think it's the body on top.
好了 好了 -Okay, okay, okay, okay. -Okay.
等等 谁会驾驶这东西吗 Okay, wait, does anyone know how to actually drive this thing, or...
我能行 I could do it.
我小时候每天开摩托艇上学 所以我很自信 I, uh, I took one to school every day growing up, so, I feel pretty confident.
很好 -Great. -Perfect.
-你们好 -该死 -Hello! -Oh, shit.
-你们好 -天啊 该死 -Hello! -Oh, my gosh. Shit!
-邻居 -把他放下来 -The neighbors! -Get him off. Get him off.
天啊 我们怎么办 Okay, oh, my God, oh, my God, what do we do?
好 好 -No, no... Okay. All right. -No, no!
见到你们真高兴 -So happy to see you. -Okay, uh...
-不 -我的天 -Nope. -Dang.
但愿你们是要裸泳 We hoped you were skinny-dipping.
不 -No. -No.
不是 -Nope. -Okay.
-天啊 -这是咋回事 -My, my. -What do we have here?
噢 Oh.
哇 -Oh. -Oh, wow.
他们只是想在国际水域做爱 Um, you know, I think they just wanted to make love in international waters.
-是啊 -也许他们需要我们帮忙 -Ah, yeah. -Maybe they need our help.
不 我们还是不打扰他俩了 Uh, no. I think we should probably let them do their thing, you know?
我们就... So, let's just...
这让我的兴致上来了 Well, this certainly gets me in the mood.
喂 布莱尔 -Hey, Blair. -Oh. Uh-huh?
-你需要卫生巾吗 -可能吧 -You need a tampon? -Um, maybe.
我们刚开了一瓶教皇新堡白葡萄酒 We just opened a bottle of Chateauneuf Du Pape,
听着麦克乐队的经典曲目 and we're listening to some remastered Fleetwood Mac.
-真不错 -唱的太好了 -Oh, that's so nice. -Oh! It is so good,
都能在史蒂夫的声音中听出可卡因的味道 you could hear the cocaine in Stevie's voice.
我们希望你一起来 -I bet. -We'd love for you to join us.
-太客气了 -一点不勉强 -Oh, that's so sweet. -Um, no pressure.
除非你主动要求 Unless it's asked for.
好 Okay.
我累坏了 I am fully exhausted.
-特别累 -能看出来 -So tired, you know? -Oh, understood.
我们的身体语言很流利 We're fluent in body language.
那是肯定的 Oh, I bet you are.
-晚安 -晚安 -Goodnight. -Goodnight.
好 All right.
天啊 -Oh, God. -Oh, my God.
琵琶 他们都走了 琵琶 -Pippa. They're gone. Pippa. -They're moving out.
-这是干嘛 -琵琶 -What is going on there? -Pippa!
-琵琶 -什么 -Pippa! -What?
天啊 哇 Oh, my God. Wow.
好 Yeah. Okay.
-抱歉 -哇 -Sorry. -Wow, dude.
我们抛尸吧 -Let's dump him, yeah? -Yeah, let's dump him.
我们抛尸 Let's do the dump.
好 西班牙语CD -Oof. -Okay, Spanish language CDs.
如果杰西爱上一个说西班牙语的人 Uh, if Jess hooked up with a Spanish speaker,
-你要跟他讲道理 -谢谢 -you're gonna want to reason with him. -Gracias.
我还有一瓶无商标的俄国安得拉 Oh, um, and I got this generic Russian Adderall.
我弟弟网购的 My little brother ordered it online.
能帮你集中注意力 It will help you focus.
药效很强 但已经过期了 所以... It's super strong, but it is expired, so...
-非常感谢 -嘿 -Thank you so much. -Hey.
-我爱你 -我也爱你 哥们 -I love you. -I love you, too, dude.
-把她抢回来 -谢谢 -Get her back. -Thanks.
你尿了 You are peeing.
我好怕 I'm so scared.
感觉我们应该说几句 I feel like we should say something.
是啊 应该的 -Yeah. -Yeah. Good idea.
我们很抱歉 We're really sorry.
你死的冤 You deserved better.
是啊 -Mmm. -Yeah.
我们无法让你复活 不过 There's nothing we could do to bring you back, but...
我们保证今后尽量做个更善良的人 We promise to spend the rest of our lives trying to be better people.
应该为你这么做 -We owe that to you. -Mmm-hmm.
天啊 真对不起 God, we're so sorry.
真对不起 So sorry.
真对不起 So sorry, man.
我们很垃圾 We suck.
好了 你可以抛尸了 Okay, you can dump him now!
是 船长 Aye aye, Captain.
这事从未发生过 对吗 This never happened. Right?
-对 -发...发生了 -Nope. -It... It happened.
对吧 Right?
-我是说永远不要提 -明白了 -No, we're not gonna talk about it. -Oh, got it, got it.
好了 再见 Okay, bye.
哇 -Oh. -Whoa.
不用这么粗暴吧 That could have been more delicate, huh?
她开的真快 She's going really fast.
我办成了 I did it!
-天啊 她干什么 -她要去哪儿 -Oh, my God, what the fuck is she doing? -What is she doing?
天啊 Holy shit!
你没事吧 -Oh, my God! -Are you okay?
我没事 真的没事 I'm good. I'm really good.
你确定？你可是头部着地 Are you sure, 'cause you landed right on your neck.
是的 我直直的飞出去 头部着地 Yeah, I just did a sort of straight shot, landed on the neck...
拧一下脖子 就没事了 ...snap, and we're back up.
-没事 -咋回事 -It was good. -What happened?
你不是知道怎么开摩托艇吗 I thought you knew how to drive those things.
我绝对知道 不过油门和刹车的位置 Yeah, no, I definitely do, but, um, I think the gas and the brake are different
跟澳大利亚不一样 我没整明白 in Australia, so I got confused.
-你怎么可能还活着 -不知道 -How are you alive right now? -I don't know.
但我不在乎 But I'll take it.
好了 尸体处理了 我也没死 Well, body dumped, girl's alive.
-下面干什么 -我们该离开海滩 -What's next? -We should get the fuck out of here.
-好主意 -我喜欢 -Great idea. -Yeah, I like that.
-走吧 -你真的没事吗 -Let's do that. -You sure you're okay?
各位 Guys?
她应该做个扫描 She should probably get a CAT scan.
好 Okay.
她没事 She's fine.
-还有剩余的披萨吗 -应该没了 -Is there any more pizza left? -I don't think so.
不 No!
天 我们再点就是了 Jesus, dude, we can order more.
不是这事 是这事 No, not that. That!
-什么 -性感邻居 -What? -The sexy neighbors!
他们有我们抛尸的录像 -Oh... -They have footage of us dumping the body.
我们该自首 对吗 We should just turn ourselves in, right?
-我们完了 -不 -We're fucked. -No.
我们扔掉了尸体 只需要再扔掉录像带就行了 We got rid of the body. We just have to get rid of the footage, that's all.
-对吗 -对 -Right? -Yes.
-对 -好 -Yep. Yep. -Yeah, okay.
要怎么办 -Yes. -Well, how?
呃 Um...
不 No.
绝对不行 Absolutely not.
谢谢 Thank you. Oh.
Make love to me
嗯 Mmm.
你们家非常的... Your house is so, um...
-吓人 -谢谢 -Funky. -Thank you.
你该看看我们的惊恐屋 You should see our panic room.
嗯 Mmm.
可以吗 May I?
开始了 你让我欲火焚身 It's happening. God, you make me red-hot.
知道什么才是特别性感的吗 You know what would be really, really sexy?
请告诉我 Please tell me.
如果录下来的话 If we got this on tape.
你真下流 Oh, you naughty girl.
嗯 Mmm-hmm. -Ooh.
噢 Oh!
我注意到你们房外有监控摄像头 我一直幻想 Actually, I noticed that you guys have these cameras outside and it's always been
自己能被监控摄像头拍到 所以 a fantasy of mine to get caught on a security camera, so...
两位请 Mesdemoiselles?
好 好 Oh, okay. Okay.
谢谢上帝 Thank you.
It's all I can do to see this through
See it through
好 Okay.
It's all that I want
-好 -我们偷窥合适吗 -Oh, okay. Yeah. -Is it okay that we're watching this?
我们是照看布莱尔 为了她的安全 Yeah, we're watching for Blair. You know, for her safety. We're monitoring.
-天 布莱尔身材真棒 -是很棒 -Man, Blair looks great. -Yeah, she looks great.
-你准备好了吗 -呃 -You ready? -Uh...
-差不多吧 -好 -Yeah, think so. -All right.
-噢 -放松 -Oh! -Relax.
-啊 -有我呢 -Oh! -I've got you.
我的天 -Holy shit! -Oh, my...
-有意思 -她是故意对我卖弄 -Interesting. -She's showing off. To me.
好 好 -Yes! Yes! -Whoa.
给我望远镜 Give me those. Give me those.
Oh...
Sadness, look at us now
The best of me, sadness
嗨 我是杰西 请留言 Hey, it's Jess. Leave a message.
杰西 我是彼得 Jess, it's Peter.
你好吗 呃 How are you? Um...
我又一次打电话 天 Just calling again. Okay. Oh, man.
这在将来会是什么故事呢 What a story this'll be, huh?
给我们的孙儿讲 如果我们结婚的话 For the grand kids. If we get married.
帮我个忙 给我回电话 让我知道你平安 Um, do me a favor, call me back. Let me know you're okay.
Got burned but I learned it was all for the better
我非常爱你 一定给我回电话 再见 I love you so much. Please call me. Bye.
Back together, never thought I could take all the wrongs
And turn them to right
Tonight
Sadness, look at us now
嗨 我是杰西 请留言 Hey, it's Jess. Leave a message.
杰西 Jess!
好 Yes!
-Ho! -Oh.
我想要一份录像 Um, I would love a copy of the tape, you know,
将来自慰时用 for, like, jerking off later, whatever.
我也想要 什么录像 Me, too. What's the tape?
我们刚拍的淫秽录像啊 The tape. The, uh... The naughty tape we just made.
DVD 或者... You know, the DVD or the...
就是摄像头拍下来的 You know, from the cameras.
那不管用 Oh. Those don't work.
-什么 -摄像头不管用 正像她说的 -Excuse me, what? -Yeah, they don't work, like she said.
但我们知道这不重要 But we know that's not what this was about.
关键是满足了你的性幻想 Right? This was fantasy fulfillment.
-创造出这种环境 -对不起 -Creating a mise en scène. -I'm sorry. Why, um...
为什么要装不管用的摄像头 Why would someone have security cameras that don't work?
前三个月是免费的 They didn't charge us for the first three months.
之后我们不想续费 After that, we didn't want to pay for the service.
能让坏人不敢靠近 You know, they keep out the riffraff.
你只能像意大利人那样自慰了 You'll just have to jerk off as the Italians do.
用想象 -To your memories. -Mmm.
等等 布莱尔 那么没有录像？ Wait, so, Blair, so there's no footage?
没有 No.
天啊 那我们就安全了 -Ah! -Oh, my gosh. So we're in the clear!
这太好了 That is... That's great.
-好 -她那么直接 -Yeah. -She was so intuitive.
她进了我的下体 She was inside me.
然后又出来 And then she was outside me.
然后和我融为一体 And then she was me.
-那我们没事了 -只除了我很可能传染上HPV了 -So, we're good. -Almost, except I probably have HPV now.
无所谓 我们都有HPV Whatever. We all have HPV.
我没有HPV Oh, uh, I mean, I don't have HPV.
据说只要在1991年之后做过爱 就会染上HPV Alice, they say if you had sex after the year 1991, you have HPV.
那我肯定有HPV了 Then, I mean, I definitely have HPV then.
很多很多的HPV I have, like, clumps and clumps of it.
好的 我们清洁一下 离开这里吧 Cool. Uh, let's clean up and get the hell out of here.
好 -Okay. -Whatcha, whatcha gon' do?
I call it housework
'Cause it's light work
-Whatcha, whatcha gon' do? -I'm-a throw shapes
Feeling the bass till my feet hurt
I call it housework, 'cause it's light work
-Whatcha, whatcha gon' do? -But I'm-a throw shade
If I don't get paid for this housework
Would you come along
Oh, with my friends
And to leave, I'm working
-Every weekend -Housework
哇 Wow.
-好 -看起来很不错 -Okay. -Looks pretty good.
我们做的很不错 -We did good. -Got it.
不错 大家击掌庆祝一下 -Yes. Nice. High five, everyone. -Lovely.
Whatcha gon' do, gon' do?
这孩子不是我儿子 This child is not my son.
不 不 不 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
该死 我的裤子 Shit. My pants.
我没这个时间 I don't have time for this.
晚上好 警官 Good evening, Officer.
我能帮你什么 How can I be of service to you?
-先生 你喝酒了？ -绝对没有 -Sir, you been drinking? -Absolutely not.
虽然我今晚品过酒 主要是意大利红酒 I did do a wine tasting earlier this evening, Italian reds mostly,
但并不真的喝 大多都吐出来 but you don't really drink it, you mostly spit.
尝一口 吐到水桶里 You take sips and you spit into a bucket.
先生 我要请你下车 What the... All right, sir, I'm gonna ask you to get out of the vehicle.
-不 -快点 -No. -Now!
-警官 -快点 -Officer... -Now!
举起手 慢慢的 Hands. Move slow.
警官 我可以解释 Officer, I can explain.
她是女神 She's a 20!
在我们走之前 Okay, before we go,
我们必须做个人体蜈蚣 we got to do human friendtipede, yeah?
什么 -What? -Alice.
-不行 -行 -No way. -Yes.
-这是传统 -艾丽丝 问个问题 -It's tradition. -Alice, quick "Q."
人体蜈蚣是什么 What is a human friendtipede?
是我们常拍的一张照片 就像电影《人体蜈蚣》中那样 It's a photo we always take that's like the movie Human Centipede.
把蜈蚣缝在一起 头尾相连 只不过是和朋友一起 Where they're sewn together, mouth to anus, but it's with friends,
-很特别 -拜托 艾丽丝 -so it's special. -Come on now, Alice.
-不好吧 -我觉得不合适 -I don't know about that. -I feel like not the appropriate...
各位 如果我不发一堆这个周末的照片 Guys, if I don't post a ton of pictures from this weekend,
就会很可疑 it's gonna look suspicious.
怀疑我们杀了人 Like we killed someone.
好吧 真不敢相信我会这么说 Okay. I can't believe I'm saying this,
但我觉得我们应该做个人体蜈蚣 but I think we should do the human friendtipede.
-太好了 -但我们不能拍下犯罪现场 -Yes! -But we cannot photograph the crime scene.
好 我要在中间 Okay. I get the middle.
你为什么喜欢在中间 Why do you want the middle?
好了 天啊 真美 Okay. Oh, my God, amazoir.
说 人体蜈蚣 Say "friendtipede."
人体蜈蚣 Friendtipede!
可爱 Cute.
好 Yes!
-我看看 -太荒唐了 -Let's see it. -It's ridiculous.
艾丽丝 别喊了 你拍的挺好 -Alice, stop. You look really pretty. -No, look!
-天啊 -拜托 -Oh, my God. -No! Come on! No!
-该死的 -是他吗 -Oh, shit! Damn it! -Is that our guy?
-不会吧 -该死的 -Are you kidding me? -Oh, shit!
天啊 天啊 Oh, my God, oh, my God!
你不是压住他了吗 God, I thought you weighed him down.
我在他口袋里塞了石头 可能是他的裤子掉了 I did. I put rocks in his pockets. I guess his pants fell off.
男人怎么不系腰带 Men need to wear belts.
是啊 被我们杀了 还敢不沉下去 Yeah. How dare they not sink when we murder them.
Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T, S, R, Q, P, O,
N, M, L, K, J, I, H, G, F, E, D, C, B, A.
好 Okay.
你看到了吗 Did you see that?
-你只要用脚能走直线就行了 -我知道 我只是即兴而为 -You only had to walk a straight line. -I know. I just followed my body.
-你是跳舞的吗 -不是 -Are you a dancer or... -No.
我从未做过这种事 I've never done anything like that before in my life.
但我依然要给你一张超速罚款单 I still got to give you a speeding ticket.
开吧 这太好了 Please. That's great.
慢点开车 Slow down.
-谢谢你 警官 -我差点对你开枪 -Thank you, Officer. -I almost shot you.
是啊 太疯狂了 别对任何人开枪 I know. That was nuts. Also, don't shoot anybody.
我们不能在大白天抛尸 We can't get rid of his body in broad daylight, you guys.
我们必须想个办法 拜托 We have to think of something. Come on.
有办法吗 Ideas?
Kiwi 你醒着吗 Kiwi! You up?
是的 是的 Yeah. Yeah.
-我们需要群策群力 -对 好 -We need everyone's brain on this, so... -Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
我打算这么办 So, um, here's what I'm gonna do.
我要去海滩上 I'm gonna go to the beach
去做一做冥想 and do a bit of mindful meditation.
等我回来时 And, um, when I come back,
就会有了天才的主意 I'm gonna have a be-genius idea.
好吗 好 Yeah? All right.
我们能行 We got it.
我们永远处理不掉他的尸体了 We're never gonna get rid of his body.
他会跟着我们一辈子 He's gonna follow us around for the rest of our lives.
-天啊 -不 -Oh, God. -Oh, no.
警察 Police!
天啊 天啊 -Shit. -Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
是不是邻居报的警 也许他们起了疑心 Do you think the neighbors called them? Maybe they got suspicious.
警察 快开门 -Oh, my God. -Police! Open up! Now!
女人们 这是我所擅长的 我来处理 我罩着你们 Women, this is my world. I will handle this. I got you.
关灯藏起来 Turn out the lights and hide.
晚上好 警官 Oh, good evening, Officer.
你出来 小姐 Step aside, miss.
出什么事了 What's this all about?
举起手来 Put your hands where I can see them.
警官 我很配合 你看 Officer, I am cooperating. You see? Hello.
把手放在墙上 Get your hands against the wall.
把手放在墙上 -I am not... -Get your hands against the wall!
我是采取防御姿态 I am taking a passive stance.
被你吓的全身发软 My body is limp for you!
把脚分开 Spread them.
你干什么 What are you doing? No.
不 不 No! No!
-操 -天啊 -Fuck! -Jesus!
-弗兰基 弗兰基 -天啊 -Frankie! Frankie! -Oh, my God.
我们杀了人 又打昏了一个警察？ Now we have a dead guy and an unconscious cop?
-你有病吗 -开什么玩笑 -What is wrong with you? -Are you kidding me?
他显然是个强奸警察 他们都这样 He's obviously a rape cop. This is what they do!
捏住了你的把柄 就对你性侵 When they have dirt on you, they sexually assault you,
知道你不会报案 knowing you won't report it.
-俄克拉荷马城的丹尼尔.霍兹克劳 -谁 -Daniel Holtzclaw, Oklahoma City? -Who?
他性侵过八个女人 He sexually assaulted eight women.
就像《撞车》中的马特.狄龙 Like Matt Dillon in Crash.
天啊 那可太可怕了 -Oh, my God, that was horrendous. -What a nightmare.
信息就是力量 真的 真的 Information is power, guys. I mean it. I mean it.
放心 你是来自布伦特伍德 Okay, chill out. You're from Brentwood,
你爸曾是约翰.梅尔的会计师 and your dad used to be John Mayer's accountant.
好吧 你们不是父亲的女儿 而是母亲的化身 Okay. "You are not your father's daughters but mothers unto your own."
这是约翰.梅尔说的？ Wait, is that John Mayer?
这是马尔科姆.艾克斯的话 It's Malcolm X.
肯定是约翰.梅尔 -Pretty sure it's John Mayer. -Fathers, fathers
各位 我们必须转移这个人 Okay, you guys, you guys, we have to move this guy
否则邻居又要来吃布莱尔了 before the neighbors return to eat Blair out again.
我对此没意见 I'd be fine with that.
该死 -All right. -Fuck.
好 一 二 三 All right, one, two, three.
呃 Uh...
弗兰基 你找了几个舞男 Frankie, how many strippers did you order?
就那一个 Just the one.
那么这个人是谁 Then who's this guy?
-让我看一眼他的鸡鸡 -有道理 -Let me see his dick real quick. -Good call.
-什么 -我找的舞男在广告上 -Wait, what? -The stripper I ordered had a dick pic
有张鸡鸡照片 没面部照片 in his ad. No face.
-我看看鸡鸡就能认出来 -好 -But I can ID him by his member. -Cool. Okay.
我拿不准 I'm not sure.
广告上那张是勃起的 He had a boner in his ad.
而这个是软的 This one's soft.
我能让它硬起来 来吧 脚 I can get it hard. Let's go, feet.
-什么 不 -请不要 -What? No. No, no, no, no. -Stop. No, wait. Stop, please.
好吧 这就是我找的那个舞男 Okay, yes. This is the stripper I ordered.
他就是“健壮的斯考特” This is Scotty with the Body.
那我们杀的那个人是谁 Then who did we kill?
-喂 -这里是北方银行 -Hello? -This is Banknorth.
我们发现你的账户有异常活动 We have detected unusual activity on your account.
如果你曾在圣露西港的Quickie Stop购物 请按1 If you have attempted a purchase at
Quickie Stop in Port St. Lucie, please press one.
谢谢你按了2 Thank you for pressing two.
你的信用卡由于异常活动被暂停使用 Your card has been suspended due to unusual activity.
不 不 No. No.
不 不 不 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
-怎么样 -很好 -How's that? -Yeah, that's good.
如果你在找手机 我都锁在这个抽屉里了 If you're looking for our cell phones, I locked them in this drawer
是不会打开的 and I'm not gonna open it, okay?
就让我给彼得发个短信吧 我感觉他现在心里很不安 Please let me at least text Peter. I feel like he's totally freaking out right now.
等我们先把事情解决了再说 Not until everything is sorted out.
我们做了计划 We made a plan.
艾丽丝 Um, Alice.
怎么了 你在干什么 -What's up, dude? What are you doing? -What?
我只是看看他的肋骨有没有断 Oh, I'm just making sure nothing's broken.
他没事 I think he's fine.
是啊 他很正点 Yeah, he's really fine.
天啊 -Jesus. -Oh, my God.
你需要去自慰 看你都发骚了 You need to masturbate more. You're, like, severely horny.
是啊 我只是不想当着我的鹦鹉的面 I know. I just don't like to do it in front of my cockatiel.
它很聪明 She's very smart.
-你怎么不把它关在笼子里 -在笼子里的 -Why don't you put her in a cage? -She is in a cage.
可我声音大 能喊 But I'm loud. I'm a screamer.
-我记得 -是啊 我都忘了 -I remember. -Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
喊得像鸟叫 And it kind of sounds like her.
所以它以为我在跟它说话 So she thinks I'm talking to her.
我说 没有 我只是自慰 I'm like, "No, I'm just fucking touching myself."
你走开 -Like, "Back off." -Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
好的 继续研究我们的重大紧急事件吧 Cool, so back to our life-changing emergency?
舞男在这里 他还活着 Okay, the stripper's here, he's alive.
-这是好事吧 -是的 -That's good. Right? -Yeah.
但壁橱里依然还有个死人 Um, there is still a dead guy in the closet, so...
-那个人是谁 -只要有车 -Who is that guy? -We could get rid
我们就能把他处理掉 of him if we just had a car, you know?
天啊 这个人是怎么来的 Oh, my God. How did this guy get here?
好 Oh, yeah.
这车可以 That'll work.
-谢天谢地 -可以吗 -Thank God! -Will it?
我们开车去鳄鱼沼泽 抛尸 All right, we're gonna drive to the alligator bog, dump the body.
把智能车开回来 We're gonna return the Smart car,
叫醒舞男 就说他碰了头 wake up the G-string guy, tell him he hit his head really hard.
-布莱尔会给他一大笔钱 -什么 -Blair's gonna give him a ton of cash. -Wait, what?
-然后我们就能回家了 -很好 -And then we're home free. -I love it. Yeah.
鳄鱼沼泽 Alligator bog.
你会在45分钟后到达目的地 You will arrive at your destination in 45 minutes.
I'm a hustler, baby
That's what my daddy's made me
我能给你们擦车吗 Can I do your... Do you mind if I do your thing?
哈哈哈 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
别乱扔杂物 Don't litter.
Yeah, I'm a hustler, baby
That's what my daddy's made me
好啊 All right.
谢谢了 Hey, thanks a lot, man.
-给你的 -非常感谢 -For you. -Thank you so much.
我有冰毒 So, I got meth.
你要吗 40块钱 You looking? 4? bucks.
不了 谢谢 我只需要汽油钱 No, thank you so much. I just need gas money.
听着 你愿意给我吹吹吗 15块钱 Hey, listen, do you want to suck my dick for 15 bucks?
不了 谢谢 -No. Thank you. -Okay.
祝你好运 Good luck, man.
谢谢 Thanks, man.
你将在25分钟后抵达 You will arrive in 25 minutes.
这真别扭 This is so uncomfortable.
这车不能再快点吗 I mean, does this thing go any faster?
-等等 -不不不 -Wait! -No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
那么确实能再快点？ So it does go faster?
嗯 Mmm.
-你好 先生 要不要 -喂 离我的车远点 -Hi, sir. May I... -Whoa! Get the fuck away from my car.
-好 抱歉 抱歉 -天 -Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry. -God.
让我舔舔你的鸡鸡 Let me suck your dick real fast.
什么 What?
-拜托 -这里的人是怎么了 -Please? -No. What is with this place?
好吧 听着 Okay, listen...
你有冰毒吗 Do you have any meth?
I'm a hustler, baby
-我可以卖给你冰毒 -真的？ -I could sell you meth, yeah. Um... -Really?
-80块钱 -80美元 -8? bucks. -8?, uh, dollars...
给 There you go.
Do-do-do-do
-嗨 -嗨 -Hey, man. -Hey.
-我想买点冰毒 -哦 -Um, I want to buy some meth. -Oh!
只不过 Only thing is, though,
你一定要抽一口 我好确定你不是警察 you got to do a little bump, though, so I know that you're not a cop.
不 我不是警察 No, man. Please. I'm not a cop.
你到底要不要冰毒 You want the meth or not?
好吧 Okay.
耶 来 Yay! Here we go.
-我也抽一口 -好辣 -And one for Papa Bear. -It burns. All right.
40块钱 不是警察 快点 40 bucks. Not a cop. Come on.
-很好 谢谢 -不用谢 -Yes. Great. Thank you. -You're welcome.
还是不让我给你吹吗 So, uh, still a no-go on the BJ, or...
不用了 谢谢 No, I'm good. Thanks.
没关系 That's fine.
不过 Actually,
我想给你介绍个人 there's somebody I want to introduce you to.
-好啊 -很高兴认识你 -Right on! -Very nice to meet you.
-我也是 -这正合适 -Good to meet you, too. -This is so perfect.
-是啊 请你走吧 -好 好 -Yeah, go. Please, go. -Okay. Okay.
你也要这么做 这才叫真爱 You got to do it, man. That's true love.
各位 我睡着了 Guys, I fell asleep.
我睡着了 I fell asleep.
我还做了个噩梦 梦见我们杀了个人 I had this nightmare where we had all killed a guy.
这是现实 -That is a reality. -No, we killed somebody.
什么 不 What? No!
天啊 时差反应真是厉害 Oh, my God! Jet lag is insane, you guys.
不是闹着玩的 It's no joke!
不是闹着玩的 No joke!
该死的 Damn it!
你有没有想出什么天才的主意 Did you happen to come up with a be-genius idea out there?
是的 Yeah, I did, actually.
我在梦中想起了在澳大利亚有个人 In my dream, I remembered that there was this guy in Australia
把他的女友煮了吃了 who cooked his girlfriend and ate her.
-Kiwi -我不能吃因为我吃素 -Kiwi. -I can't 'cause I am vegan.
-可是 -Kiwi -But... -Kiwi.
天啊 我精疲力尽了 Oh, God, I'm so tired.
我们该自首 我们有罪 We should turn ourselves in. We're guilty.
不 我们无罪 因为这是意外事件 No, we are innocent, because this was an accident, you guys.
别再说这话了 Stop saying that.
当时要不是你发骚 就不会出这些事了 Maybe if you hadn't been lethally horny, we wouldn't be in this mess.
我是因为吸了你买的毒品 I was coked up because you bought us drugs.
我又没逼你吸毒 艾丽丝 I didn't force you to do the drugs, Alice.
而且也没人说过当初是布莱尔 And you know what, nobody's talking about how it was
提出要找个脱衣舞男 Blair's idea to get a stripper in the first place.
反正永远怪不到你头上 对吗 Yeah, but you're never to blame, right?
看我 我是弗兰基 我住在仓库里 "Look at me, I'm Frankie. I live in a storage unit.
-我在拯救世界 -知道吗 -"I'm saving the world." -You know what?
你以为别人都很傻 不像你一样是无情的混蛋 You act like everybody's so stupid for not being a merciless asshole like you.
-我是混蛋？ -你俩都有些混蛋 -I'm the asshole? -I mean, you're both kind of assholes.
-你少掺和 -真是的 -Stay out of this. -Seriously.
也许你最混蛋 艾丽丝 Maybe you're the asshole, Alice.
天 Oh, shit.
你说什么 贱人 Excuse me, bitch?
我是很温柔的 I'm a fucking sweetheart.
那你为什么老是称呼我Kiwi Well, then why do you insist on calling me Kiwi
尽管我对你说过这没礼貌 even though I told you it was culturally insensitive?
另外在来这里的出租车上 你为什么 And why did you feel the need to reach over and try to undo my seat belt
试图解开我的安全带 in the taxicab on the way here?
-天啊 -是的 -Jesus Christ. -Yeah.
这是美国的习俗 That's an American bit.
这么做是开玩笑 我们都这么做过 对吗 We do it as a joke. Okay? We all do it. Right?
说吧 Come on, say it.
-艾丽丝 -天啊 别吵了 -Alice! -Oh, my God, stop it, please.
情况已经够糟糕的了 It's bad enough without you two going at it.
我还以为你的新娘送礼会就是最糟糕的 And I thought your bridal shower was a nightmare.
你说啥呢 她没办新娘送礼会 What are you talking about? She didn't have a bridal shower.
对 她没办 No, she didn't.
你办了新娘送礼会？ You had a bridal shower?
也不算是 Well, not really. I mean...
来的都是工作上的朋友 没什么 It was, like, work friends. It wasn't a big deal.
但布莱尔去了？ But Blair went?
也不是开放式酒吧 It wasn't even open bar.
咋了 不是的 What? It wasn't.
你怎么没邀请我 How could you not invite me?
艾丽丝 拜托 我们不谈这事了好吗 Alice, please. Please, can we drop it?
真的 是为了照顾彼得的亲戚 Please. I'm telling you, it was just... It was for Peter's family.
-并没什么 -哦 彼得 -It wasn't a big deal, man. -Oh, Peter.
他太烦人了 He is so annoying.
我知道他为什么不喜欢我 And I know why he doesn't like me.
因为他特别嫉妒我 'Cause he's, like, so freaking jealous.
彼得并不嫉妒你 Peter is not jealous of you.
那你为什么不邀请你的闺蜜参加你的新娘送礼会 Well, then, why would you not invite your best friend to your bridal shower?
-天啊 你非要知道为什么吗 -是的 我想知道 -Oh, my God, you really want to know why? -Yes! I do!
因为我知道如果邀请了你 Because I knew that if I invited you,
你不会让我跟任何人说话 这就是原因 you wouldn't let me talk to anybody else. That's why.
你垄断我的时间 Okay? You monopolize my time
然后又抱怨我 and then you make me feel guilty
没花时间陪你 我怎么可能两全 about not spending time with you. How can I win?
你开什么玩笑 Are you kidding me?
我并不垄断你的时间 杰西 I do not monopolize your time, Jess!
我只是珍惜这些时间 I just try to make the most of it,
因为你不再抽时间看我了 'cause you don't even make an effort to see me anymore.
-这不是真的 -是真的 -That's not true! -It is true.
是的 It is.
对不起 可你一直忙着工作 I'm sorry, but you are always at work,
或者你陪着彼得 or you're making plans with Peter.
或者跟某些人视频聊天 Or you're Skyping with other people.
我学不来你的口音 I can't do your stupid fucking accent.
-你是学不来 -是的 是的 -No, you can't. -Yes, yes.
我们不是在大学里了 很多事会变的 We're not in college anymore, and things do change.
唯一变的是你 The only thing that's changed is you.
你一直沉迷于 You've become obsessed
你完美的新生活和你的竞选 然后你抛弃了我 with your perfect new life and your campaign and you ditched me.
不能怪我不愿谈论 Oh, I am sorry that I don't want to talk about
喝醉的那次 the time that we got drunk
在我们十年前 at O'Flaherty's 10 years ago!
知道吗 Well, you know what?
看来我从来不该为你安排这么好的周末 I guess I never should have planned such a nice weekend for you.
天 你一点不领情 You know, you... God, you are so ungrateful.
-你说我不领情？ -是的 -Did you just say I was ungrateful? -Yes!
你是个不领情的人 You're an ungrateful person.
你安排这个周末不是为了我 You didn't plan this weekend for me.
你安排这个周末是为了你自己 You planned this weekend for yourself,
这样就能发一堆照片 so that you could post a bunch of photos
显得你的人生并不是多么悲惨 and not make your life seem so sad!
对不起 杰西 I'm sorry, Jess.
呃 Uh...
今后我 I'll leave you...
今后我不会再烦你了 I'll leave you alone from now on.
艾丽丝 Alice.
杰西 这话太伤人了 Jess, that was really harsh.
天啊 别再增加我的负罪感了 Oh, my God, I can't. I can't with the guilt. Please.
我再也承受不了了 I can't with any of this anymore.
杰西 拜托 Jess, come on, dude.
我们今晚做的每一件事都是在雪上加霜 No. All we have done all night is make this situation worse, okay?
我们要自首 就这么定了 We are turning ourselves in and that's the end.
我要上楼去洗洗脸 Now, I'm going upstairs to wipe this shit off my face,
这样在警局拍照的时候至少能好看点 so I can at least look cute for my mug shot.
另外 自己刮毛没什么丢人的 And self-waxing is not weird.
不知道你们为什么觉得去除体毛丢人 I don't appreciate your body-hair-removal shaming.
你才丢人 还有你 Shame on you! And you!
你一直挺好的 You've been fine.
你们听到了吗 什么声音 Did you hear that? What is that?
-什么声音 -在哪儿 -What is that? -Where is it?
哪里来的声音 Where's it coming from?
-不是这些枕头 -该死 -Not these pillows. -Aw, fuck. No.
该死 是他的手机 Fuck, it's his phone.
-有人在找这个人 -天啊 -Someone is looking for this guy. -Oh, my God.
-关掉它 -我在关 -Turn it off. -I'm trying!
怎么了 -What's going on? -Stop! Oh, my God.
有人在追踪舞男的手机 看起来他们已经到了 Someone is trying to track the stripper's phone and it looks like they're...
这里 Here.
-谁啊 -迈阿密警察局的 -Hello? -Miami PD.
你见过这个人吗 Have you seen this man?
该死 Oh, shit.
我们追踪他的手机在这个房子里 We tracked his phone to this house.
我们知道他在里面 We know he's in there.
已经完了 It's over.
完蛋了 The jig is up.
嗨 Hey.
他死了 He's dead.
And I don't want ya
And I don't need ya
Hey, you, what do ya see?
Something beautiful
Or something free?
你们很幸运 You ladies are lucky.
此人很凶残 This man is very dangerous.
他抢了个珠宝店 杀了一个保安 This guy robbed a jewelry store and killed a security guard.
-很多人在找他 -天啊 -Lot of people looking for him. -Oh, my God. What?
他在逃亡中 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. He was on the run.
可能是来这里躲避的 Probably came here looking for cover.
先生 对不起 Sir, I'm... I'm sorry.
我是外国人 不太明白当地的法律 Um, foreigner here. Just sort of want to be clear on the local law.
那么我们 So, are we
不再有法律责任了？ sort of, like, no longer in trouble?
在我看来是正当防卫 Sounds like self-defense to me, right?
是啊 检察院也不想 Oh, yeah, no, DA's not gonna want to
对这种事提起诉讼 你们没事 press any charges on something like this. You're good.
天啊 -Oh, my God. -No, you're kidding.
你们没开玩笑吧 -Oh, my God! -Are you shitting me?
天啊 Oh, my God!
-天啊 -天啊 -Oh, my God! -Oh, my God!
我们是英雄 我们是英雄 我们是美国英雄 We're heroes! We're heroes. We're American heroes.
谢谢你 苍天 -Thank you, universe. -Jesus!
我们杀了个人 这是正当的 We killed a guy! And it was right!
我们杀他是正当的 We were right to kill him!
太好了 Fuck, yeah!
杰西 Jess.
嘿 杰西 我们不会坐牢了 Hey, Jess. We're not going to jail.
我可能还会因为别的事而坐牢 但你平安无事了 I still might be, for unrelated things, but you're not, you're safe.
杰西 Jess?
我们开始的时候就像“争吵的城市” You should've seen us at the beginning. We were like Squabble City.
并不喜欢对方 We didn't like each other.
现在我都赶不走她了 我也不想赶走她 Now I can't get her away from me. And I don't want to.
他有没有提到钻石 Did he happen to mention the diamonds?
那样我肯定会记得 Um, no, I think I would have remembered that.
他没说几句话 He didn't say much of anything.
女士们 你们一定要尽量回忆起所有细节 Ladies, it's... It's really important that you try to remember any details.
他是个普通男人 He was cis male.
像是那种平时喜欢洗自己车的人 Looked like he could, like, wash his car as a hobby activity.
-好 -他还有个深V -Okay. -Oh, and he did have this, like, deep "V."
就像两条大蛇指向他的鸡鸡 Sort of like two large snakes pointing down to a penis.
这是个大房子 This is a big house.
他有没有可能在哪里藏过东西 Any place he might've been able to stash something?
我们打扫了整个房间 也没发现他的外套或手机 Well, we did clean the entire house and never came across his coat or phone,
所以很有这个可能 so it's definitely a possibility.
卫生巾 Tampon!
-什么 -布莱尔 -What? -Blair.
-什么 -我需要个卫生巾 -What? -I need a tampon.
你不是用大卫的杯子吗 I thought you use David cups.
-是啊 -不 从没用过 -Yeah. -No, never.
去你的 只用卫生巾 最好的卫生巾 Fuck off. Only tampons, the best of tampons!
你拿走了我们的卫生巾 You took them from us.
-什么 -然后锁在了那里 -What? -And locked them in there,
-钥匙在你那里 -你胡说什么呢 -and you have the key. -What are you talking about?
我锁起来的不是卫生巾 而是我们的... I didn't lock away our tampons. I locked away our...
呃 Uh...
我们达成一致了吗 布莱尔 Are we on the same page, Blair?
-是的 -喂喂 -Yes. -Yo, yo.
女士 你不去给你朋友拿卫生巾吗 Lady, you want to get your friend a tampon or whatever?
好 马上就拿一块卫生巾 Okay. One tampon coming up.
好 Okay...
很快就回来 Just be right back with that.
我没来例假 Well, I'm not on my period.
知道了 谢谢 It's good to know. Thanks.
钥匙 Key.
该死 该死 Shit. Shit.
嘘 Shh...
安静 安静 Quiet, be quiet, be quiet.
我只是来拿手机 I just need to get my phone, okay?
是怎么回事 -What the fuck is that? -What's that?
没什么 我也不知道 Nothing. It's... I don't know.
-怎么回事 -还有个人 是另一回事 -What the fuck was that? -This guy, it's another thing.
-还有个人？ -真正的舞男 -There's more people here? -The real stripper.
那个是真正的舞男 -Yeah. That's the real stripper in there. -The actual guy...
-我只来拿手机 -别过来 别过来 -I just need to get to my phone. -Get back! Get back!
我不会帮你们走私毒品 -I will not be your drug mule! -What? Shh! Stop. Stop. Stop.
你别过来 -You better get back. Yeah. -Stop. Shh!
插播新闻和最新消息 Breaking news and some updated information for everybody.
这几个人持有武器 很凶残 These assailants are armed and they're dangerous.
这没什么 No, it's nothing, that's...
如果你们在家 So if you're inside your home,
一定要关好门窗 make sure your windows and your doors are locked.
金发女 过来！-不要不要不要... -Hey, Blondie! Come here! -No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
嘘 Shh.
-噢 卫生巾 -是啊 -Oh, the tampon. -Yeah, I know.
我是用暗语 That's what I was... I was using the code.
我只想拿到我的房产证 -I just want to get my real estate license! -Shut up.
不许动 Freeze!
别出声 不许动 Shut the fuck up! Don't move!
这是怎么回事 来 走吧 走吧 汉子 What the hell's going on here? Come on. Let's go, move it. Let's go, tough guy.
美国真的是人人都有枪啊 Everyone in America really does have a gun!
快走 你也是 快走 Let's go! Come on. You, too. Move it.
-天啊 -游戏时间结束 -Oh, my God. -Playtime's over.
-我们现在就要钻石 -听着 -We want those fucking diamonds now. -Look.
我知道你对1%的分成不满 I know you're mad at the 1%.
-我也很不满 -什么 闭嘴 -I am, too. -What? Shut up!
-把他们绑起来 -快 -Tie them up now. -Let's go!
杰西 Jess,
我小时候 没什么朋友 when I was growing up, I didn't really have many friends.
当我去大学时 我妈妈很担心我 And when I left for college, my mom was worried about me.
我也担心 And so was I.
但然后我们认识了 我们出去玩的第一个晚上 But then we met, and the first night we went out,
你向别人介绍说我是你的室友 you didn't introduce me to people as your roommate,
是你的朋友 you introduced me as your friend.
我就知道我没什么可担心的了 And I knew everything was gonna be okay.
那个暑假我回家 When I went home that summer
让妈妈看我俩在一起的照片 and I showed my mom the photos of us hanging out,
她特别高兴 she was so happy.
她现在经常连我也不认识了 但只要我让她看这些老照片 She doesn't always recognize me anymore, but when I show her those old photos,
她就说 这是我女儿和她的朋友们 she says to me, "That's my daughter with all her friends."
这样她就能想起我 That's how she remembers me.
多亏了你 Thanks to you.
我很期待让她看看我们这个周末的照片 I can't wait to show her all the photos from this weekend.
你当年照顾了我 我会永远照顾你 You were there for me, and I will always be here for you.
爱你的 艾丽丝 Love, Alice.
附言 有些地方湿了 因为我要了个冰淇淋蛋糕 P. S. There are some wet wipes in here, because I ordered an ice cream cake
我知道你不喜欢奶油 and I know you have issues with dairy.
灿烂的笑脸 Smiliest face.
-过来 快点 过来 -她们在分类广告上找到的我 -Come here. Let's go. Come here. -They found me on Craigslist.
我跟她们没关系 I'm not even with them!
该死的 God damn it.
天啊 Oh, shit.
杰伊欺骗了我们 Jay double-crossed us,
拿走了我们的钻石 and he took off with our score.
现在告诉我 So, tell me,
-他放在哪儿了 -我说了 我们不知道 -where'd he put it? -I told you, we don't know.
先生 如果你放过我们 我现在就能给你转账五万美元 Sir, I could wire you $50,00? right now if you just let us go, okay?
哇哇 五万什么 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 5?, ?00 what?
这个房子里有价值200万以上的钻石 There's over $2 million worth of diamonds in this house,
我会找到它们 and I am going to find them.
谁一动你就开枪 You shoot anyone who moves.
-天啊 -拜托 -Oh, my God. -Please.
该死 Fuck!
该死的 该死 Damn it! Fuck!
别出声 否则我就杀了你 Don't make a fucking sound or I will kill you.
什么 What?
把自己铐在管子上 Handcuff yourself to the sink.
-去你的 -快 -Fuck you. -Now.
好 好 Okay. Okay.
你干什么 What the fuck?
不 No...
你们什么都不知道？听起来像扯蛋 You don't know anything, huh? Well, that smells like bullshit.
哥们你快点 Hurry up, man!
当我是傻子吗 Do I look stupid to you?
我会相信你是不小心杀了杰伊？ You expect me to believe that you killed Jay by accident?
那可真巧 That's a bad accident.
实在是太巧了 It's a big fucking accident.
我快没耐心了 I am about to lose my fucking shit.
你们杀了杰伊 却说你们啥都不知道？ Jay's dead, and you expect me to believe that you guys don't know anything? Hmm?
换个办法 你们要看着对方死去 New plan. You're gonna watch each other die,
直到有一个人开口 until one of you opens your fucking mouth!
-先从你开始 -不 -And I'm gonna start with you. -No!
-天啊 -我爱你 弗兰基 -Oh, God. -I love you, Frankie.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
杰西 杰西 Jess! Jess!
好 Yes!
别打她漂亮的脸蛋 -Not her beautiful face! -Come on, Jess!
哇 Whoa.
-你这流氓 -来啊 -You perv! -Come on.
不 嘿 嘿 No, hey, hey, hey!
啊 啊 Ow! Ow!
喂 枪 You guys! The gun!
摇摆 摇摆 Shimmy. Shimmy, shimmy, shimmy, shimmy.
好 好 Okay. Okay.
-到了 -好 -Right there. -Okay. Yeah.
一 二 -One. -Two.
三 好 -Three! -Okay.
天啊 蹲下 Oh, God. Squat.
-天啊 天啊 -拿到了吗 -Oh, God. Oh, God. -Do you have it?
是的 Yes.
让我对着他的方向 Point me in his direction.
我没法开枪 被你的腿挡住了 I don't have a shot! Your leg is in the way!
-不 不 拜托 -抬腿 -No, no. Please. -Up!
拜托 No, please.
我打中了一个人 I shot a guy!
-好 -我又杀了个人 -Yes! -I killed another person.
你这该死的 You fucking...
好 Yes!
天啊 你们 Oh, my God, you guys!
太厉害了 That was awesome.
-艾丽丝 真对不起 -是我对不起 -Alice, I'm so sorry. -No, I'm sorry.
不 我那些话都不是成心的 No. I said things that I didn't mean.
可能是心理压力所致 杀了个人又试图抛尸 I think it was just the stress of killing somebody and then trying to dispose of his body.
-什么 -没错 -Wait, what? -Totally.
-这是困难的事 -你说得对 -That's a hard thing. -Yeah, you're right.
是我变了 I have changed.
我以为自己是在改善人们的生活 I thought that I was making people's lives better,
但我忘了那些改善我的生活的人 就是你们 but I forgot about the people that make my life better, and that's you guys.
-我爱你 对不起 -我们也爱你 -And I love you, and I'm sorry. -We love you, too.
我们爱你 -We love you, too. -We love you.
-我们爱你 杰西 -我也对不起 -We love you, Jess! -I'm sorry, too.
我知道我这人挺烦人 And you know what? I know that I'm a lot.
你说的也对 我需要停止生活在过去 And you were right, I need to stop living in the past
-培养点爱好 -这也有帮助 -and get a hobby, you know? -Well, it could help, right?
我们下次再见面时 我们可以创造新的回忆 Next time we see each other, we can make new memories
而不是只谈论以前 instead of just talking about the old ones.
这些扎线带开始让我很疼了 Um, these zip ties are really starting to hurt.
我也不该那么说彼得 And I'm sorry about Peter, okay?
他并不糟糕 你该跟他结婚 He does not suck. You should totally marry him.
-我会的 -很好 你应该 -Well, I will. -Good. You should.
我曾在性梦中梦到他 没跟你说过 I mean, I had a sex dream about him, and I didn't even tell you.
不 你跟我说过 No, you actually did tell me.
-你对每个人都说了 -你群发的短信 -You told everybody. -You started a group text.
他先是抚摸我的头发 It started with him brushing my hair...
我现在给你们松绑吧 You know what? I'm gonna untie you guys now.
好的 好 -Awesome. -Yeah. Okay, great.
-给我枪 -当时是凌晨... -Here, give me the gun. -It was morning...
把枪放下 Drop the gun!
-放下 -该死的 -Drop it. -Damn it.
钥匙是和手铐在一起的 你这笨蛋 The keys were taped to the handcuffs, you fucking idiot.
你们都死定了 每一个人 You're all dead. All of you.
不 不 杰西 -No. No, Jess. -Yeah.
真的吗 无所谓了 Oh, really? Come on. Whatever.
咋了 咋了 What? What? What?
咋了 What?
-天啊 -是彼得 -Oh, my God! -Is that Peter?
天啊 他 Oh, my God. Is he...
-彼得 -到底出了什么事 我看不到 -Peter! -You guys, what's happening back there? I can't see.
彼得 彼得 -Peter? Peter. -Hmm?
彼得 Peter.
-杰西 -你没事吧 -Jess. -Are you okay?
你不喜欢我的鸡鸡？ Do you not like my dick?
什么 What?
是不是勃起之后畸形 Does it bend weird when it gets hard, or, like...
-还是什么 -不 我喜欢它 -I don't know, is it... -What? No, I love it.
那你依然想结婚？ So, you still want to get married?
是的 比以前更想结婚 我爱你 Yes. More than ever I want to get married. I love you.
我想结婚 I want that.
彼得 Peter...
我们结婚吧 这个周末就结婚 Let's just get married. Let's get married this weekend.
竞选怎么办 你不是想等到选举之后吗 Well, what about the campaign? Didn't you want to wait till after the election, and...
我不想等 我爱的所有人都在这里了 I don't want to wait. Everyone I love is right here.
这就足够了 -That's all that matters. -Oh.
那你父母呢 What about your parents?
我父母不会在乎 他们当年是私奔 Oh, my parents aren't gonna care. They eloped.
我妈倒劝我尽快跟你结婚 I mean, my mom did say to lock that down as soon as possible.
-她说过？ -她喜欢你 -She did? -She loves you.
-我爱你 我们结婚吧 -我们结婚吧 -I love you. Let's do it. -Let's do it.
好啊 Yes!
我知道一个地方很合适 Oh, I have the perfect place.
杰西 你愿意让彼得做你的丈夫吗 Do you, Jessica, take Peter to be your husband?
我愿意 I do.
彼得 你愿意娶杰西做你的妻子吗 And do you, Peter, take Jessica to be your wife?
我完全愿意 I definitely do.
根据GetOrdainedNow.net网站 Now, by the power vested in me
赋予我的权力 by GetOrdainedNow.net,
我宣布你们是合法夫妻了 I pronounce you husband and wife.
你可以亲吻新郎了 You may kiss the groom.
很高兴我没卖掉泡沫派对的入场券 So glad I didn't sell our passes to the foam party.
是啊 -Yeah! -Right?
所以 你们没有法律责任？ So, you guys are just not in trouble?
没有 我们完全自由 No, we're, like, completely free.
这在佛罗里达州叫做为民除害 We've committed what in Florida is known as a "good murder."
这是迈阿密警方的原话 That's a direct quote from the Miami PD.
不但不用坐牢 还得到一堆 So, not only do we not have to go to jail, but we got a sick coupon
罗曼诺意大利餐厅的优惠券 to Romano's Macaroni Grill.
-你想跳舞吗 琵琶 -好的 -Do you want to dance, Pippa? -Yeah, okay.
但请叫我Kiwi But call me Kiwi, okay?
我的好友都这么称呼我 All my best friends do.
-嗨 -嗨 -Hey. -Hi.
-我能请你喝一杯吗 -噢 呃 -Can I get you a drink? -Oh. Um...
不行 No.
因为我正跟别人约会 'Cause I'm on a date with someone else, so...
-嗨 -帅 -Hey. -Hot.
你是个帅哥 好的 You're a hot guy. Cool.
-给 -噢 -Here you go. -Oh.
天啊 Oh, my God.
有人说过你的脚非常美吗 Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your feet are?
没人对我这么说过 No one's ever said that to me before.
每个人都该这么说才对 You should've been told that a million times.
你想不想 Do you want to...
-打一炮 -打一炮 -Fuck? -Fuck?
嗨 Hey.
走开 我俩是情侣 Keep it moving. We're a thing.
爱情赢了 Love wins.
你刚才说什么 What'd you just say?
谁也不知道能不能合得来 I don't know. I mean, who knows if it will work out?
我也不知道你怎么去纽约 可能是搭便车吧 不过 And I don't know how you're gonna get to New York. I guess hitchhike, but...
我已经收拾好了行李 I already have my bags packed, actually, so...
虽然我各地奔波 Well, just 'cause I'm between places...
别说了 Shut up.
耶 耶 Yeah, yeah.
好的 好 Okay. Yeah.
宝贝 是找你的 Babe. It's for you.
-喂 -杰西 是我 -Hello? -Jess, it's me.
你和你的朋友们干掉坏人的事传开了 That story about you and your friends taking out those criminals is everywhere!
来了大量的捐赠和志愿者 Okay? We're getting donations and volunteers.
-什么 -杰西 你会赢得选举的 -What? -Jess, you're gonna win this thing.
你是认真的吗 这太好了 Are you serious? That's amazing.
我们正收到大量的媒体采访要求 Yeah, we're getting a ton of media requests.
“早安美国”的艾伦 Okay, Good Morning America, Ellen.
你必须马上回来 我给你安排最快的航班 Okay, you have to get back here right now. I'm gonna get you out on the next flight.
你喜欢靠窗还是靠过道 Do you prefer window or aisle?
我这人更喜欢靠过道 I'm more of a middle seat guy myself, but...
我要结婚了 You know what? I'm actually getting married.
但我下周一一早就回去 But, um, I'll be there first thing Monday morning.
你要结婚了？杰西 其实我是爱你的 You're getting married? Jess, I'm in love with you.
-我们合个影 -好 -Take a picture of us? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
好 Cool!
-我爱你们 -我们爱你 -I love you guys. -We love you.
三 Three.
我能看看吗 Can I see?
呃 Um...
-不行 -我的胳膊看起来太细了 -No. -My arm looks too thick.
再拍一张 -Another one? -One more.
好 好 Okay, okay, okay.
我喜欢 -Ooh. I love it. -That, I love.
-艾丽丝 你可以发给我 -总算 -Alice, you can tag me. -Finally.
We are what
These days we only follow
These days we're feeling hollow
Get paid, the only motto
We are what
They say it all gets better
They say it won't last forever
Then someone pulls the trigger
We are what
The fame, the fame
I want to hear my name
But I don't care
What for
I'll change the world
Save all those trees and birds
But first I'll grab a Starbucks
Then I'll get to work
All on
Thank God it's the weekend
My squad
Got time, we can waste it
Don't know
Should we drive to the sunset or the fire?
It's like
We live in the bubble
Pretending it's 'cause we are young
We are what
These days we only follow
These days we're feeling hollow
Get paid, the only motto
We are what
They say it all gets better
They say it won't last forever
Then someone pulls the trigger
We've got hearts in the right places
But we're still a danger to ourselves
Maybe it's 'cause we are young
We are what
恭喜州参议员杰西.塞耶 Congratulations to State Senator Jess Thayer!
谢谢 Thank you.
我最喜欢的讨厌上司 My number one boss bitch! Whoo!
为了庆祝她的胜选 我们有个特别的请求 And now to celebrate her win, we have a special request.
是我吗 Me?
非常感谢 Thank you so much.
我为你们准备了一个惊喜 I actually have a surprise for all of you. Um...
我写了一首歌 I've written a song
希望能够浓缩 that I hope can sort of encapsulate,
我们之间的友谊 um, the bond of friendship that we all have.
我想现在为你们演唱 And so, I want to play it for you now.
有时候 Sometimes
你杀了个人 You kill a man
在他为你脱衣服的时候 When he's taking off his clothes for you
你杀了个人 You kill a man
你和朋友们一起杀了他 You kill him with your friends
然后他死了 And he dies
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
天啊 真好听 Jesus, it's good.
其他的时候 Other times
当你杀了个人 When you kill a man
你需要把他的尸体抛进海中 You need to toss his body in the ocean
你并不在乎 And you don't care
因为你的朋友们在你身边 'Cause your friends are there by your side
她们使之充满乐趣 They make it fun
我爱你们 I love you, girls
我爱你 琵琶 I love you, Pippa!
我们杀了个人 We killed a man
我们做了个计划 We made a plan
你们是我的朋友 You are my friends
我永远不会忘记 And I'll never forget
这次婚前派对 This bachelorette
结束了 That's the end.
-你们想进去坐坐吗 -呃 -Do you guys want to come up? -Um...
不 不 还是别去了 No, no, no. Don't come up. Don't come up.
-因为我还有事 -什么 -'Cause I got to do stuff. -What?
我们10点在Nussbaum's见面 So, I will see you at Nussbaum's at 1?:??.
不 是12点半 No, no. 12:3?.
-好 -我不想起床 -Okay. -I don't want to get up.
好了 你们走吧 Okay, you guys, go. Go, go, go.
我们想看着你平安进家门 We want to make sure that you get in okay.
-你们是爱上我了 -我们爱你 -You're obsessed with me. -We love you.
我爱你们 I love you.
扯淡 Bullshit.
好啊 Yes!
哇 啊 Whoo! Ah...